▶ Your Answer : Some people think that it is more important for university spending money on facilities than hiring good teachers to spend money on facilities. However, in my opinion, it is better to hire good teachers than to spending money on facilities. There is one major reason why hiring good teachers is essential for the following subsequent reasons. Hiring good teachers has an effect on university rankings To begin with, hiring good teachers has an effect on university ranking. This is because good Good (this is because는 적절하지 않는 표현 입니다) teachers influence students’ personal growth. To be specific, good teacher means a person who is good at teaching and has a great amount of knowledge and information. A variety of knowledge and information help students improve their academic performance and broaden their horizon of the world. Especially, it is required for people to have a wide variety of knowledge rather than deep knowledge in one specific field. A person who has a great amount of knowledge is regarded as ‘a person of intelligence’ in this world. On the other hand, those who have no interest and knowledge in diverse field might be simply ignored by people. For example, when I was in university, my professor had a great amount of knowledge in major field as well as different field. Also, he has a (a, e, i, o, u앞에는 항상 a가 아니라 an입니다) outstanding ability to communicate his knowledge. I really focus on his class and spending spend lots of time in sharing thought and knowledge with him. As a result, I began to gain academic achievement and got a good job after graduating university. Through my experience, I realized that good teachers play a vital role in students’ personal growth. Therefore, it is evident that if most students have a result like me, their university will be ranked high in national university rankings. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is more important for university hiring to hire good teachers that spending money on facilities. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
점수: 22 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 너무 한 단락에 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하다 보니 이 에세이가 전반적으로 장황하게 되었습니다. 에세이 자체가 장황하다 보니 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 간결하게 자신의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |