■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to learn from friends than to learn from teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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▶ Your Answer : To students, studying is the most important obligation for the whole of their school days. Undoubtedly, it is important for them to be educated by whom. (whom이 누구인가요?) Some people may say that it is better for them to learn from friends. This is because students feel more comfortable with their peers rather than teachers. However, if I were asked to choose one, I would give voice that students should be taught by not their friends but teachers. There are some reasons why I think this way as follows. (friends만 옵션으로 나왔는데 choose between two는 어색합니다. teachers도 mention해주세요. rather로 쓰는거랑 정식으로 옵션으로 써주는 거랑 다릅니다.)
On top of that, friends may give wrong answers intentionally. Classroom is the place where not only students mingle with each other, but also they compete within academic performance. Grades are given for the result of each exams, and they definitely affect them (목적어) when students try to get admission from universities. Since teaching other friends could be negative factors in ranking system, some students do not want their peers to be better than themselves and give friends incorrect answers. For example, my youngest brother was ranked in second place on mid-term exam last semester. Although he was a diligent student listening to teachers' lectures carefully, he always failed l to be the number one in his class. Therefore, instead of asking to teachers, he decided to ask his friend who was ranked in first place on the last exam. However, the friend did not want my brother to take away his place. The guy taught my brother one on one after class, and gave (시제) him wrong answers to questions that my brother did not understand. As a result, my brother rather failed to keep his previous place. He is supposed to consulted with the advisory teacher next week. Since then my brother realized that learning from peers is pretty dangerous behavior in the competitive classroom. Now, my brother get the hang of his friends' trick, and never ask them to teach him. Without this experience, he would still have been deceived by his peers over and over again.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the the disadvantages of being learned by friends far outweigh those of being leaned by teachers for some reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of teacher's guide cannot be overestimated.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*