▶ Your Answer :
It is always difficult to fathom what others think, my opinion in
regard to the given topic is adamant. I believe that requiring every graduating
student to take public speaking courses have so many benefits for the following
reasons. has so many benefits for the following two subsequent reasons. (ing뒤에는 항상 단수 동사 입니다)
First and foremost, students who can speak
their opinions or ideas effectively to many people can become more successful
after graduation. This is because many Many (this is because는 적절하지 않는 표현 입니다) people today have to give a lot of
presentations in workplaces. To be more specific, given the collaborations at
any places including companies and laboratories, people should learn how to
deliver the results of their research or future strategies clearly to many
people, not to a few people. If they don't If they do not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) know how to do this and cannot
communicate with others very well, people will not able to collaborate effectively with otther people effectively collaborate with other people. Therefore, knowing how to give a nice speech in front of many people
is very crucial for students to succeed after graduation. My personal
experience can be illustrated to prove this point. When I was 24, I was really
bad at presentation. Many people started to doze off whenever I gave a speech.
Therefore, I wasn't able to make could not make my ideas look appealing and failed to be
promoted for several times. However, after taking speaking classes at a
business training institute, I was able to improve could improve my speaking skills. As a
result, I became able to persuade could persuade (동사가 두 개 입니다) many people effectively by giving wonderful
presentations. To be specific, I changed my bad speaking habits into efficient
ones, and tried to look people in the eye by looking at people's eyes. Also, I practiced to change my tone
of voice so that I catch people's attention. Consequently, my ideas were
accepted easily and I was promoted for the first time of my life. As mentioned
above, speaking skills are vital for students in building a more promising future.
Second, not only in work places, the ability
to deliver ideas effectively is important when people want to make a better world. No
matter how wonderful the ideas are, it is of no use if people cannot properly
describe them to others. Therefore, if the universities want to make their students
the great who can contribute to our world, they have to put a lot of effort
to improve students' public speaking skills, including requiring all students
to take public speaking classes. According to the recent survey conducted by
Seoul National University, famous leaders today unanimously answered that they
changed the world in a positive way because they were able to move could move public
people's minds by delivering a wonderful speech. Also, one of the leaders
responded that if it had not been for his speaking skills, he might not have
managed to gain such a lot of supporters today. Likewise, this survey shows
that my argument is compelling.
To
sum up, I believe my explanations above sufficiently proves prove (explanations는 복수 주어 입니다) the advantages of
requiring students to take public speaking classes before their graduation.
Obviously, students who have good speaking skills can find success in their
future career, and make a real difference in the world.
점수: 22 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 존재하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째는 너무 was able to 라는 단어를 많이 남발합니다. 상황에 안맞게 이러한 동사 형태를 사용하는 경향이 있는데 이러한 표현들은 적절하지 않습니다. 두 번째는 전체적으로 에세이가 너무 장황합니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보니 전반적으로 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |