■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic :
36. Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people’s lives. * automobiles / bicycles / airplanes Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some people think that airplane has changed people’s lives a lot. However, in my opinion, automobiles has have (automobiles 는 복수 주어 입니다) changed people’s live the most for the following reasons.
First of all, automobiles make it possible to (make뒤에서는 동사 원형이 나와야 합니다) meet families and friends easily. The meaning of happy life has changed compared to the past in comparison to the past (갑자기 이 문장이 나타난 이유가 무엇인가요? 개연성이 없습니다). If it was merely focusing on one’s own ability now it is different. Having people who can lend you a hand when you are in trouble is important. And automobiles help to meet families lived far away people a hand when they are in troubles in which automobiles can help (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다). For example, when I was a freshman, I had to move out from my hometown since my university. I was lonely and felt like I was left alone. Since it was my first time live living alone, I missed my parents so much. I became very sick, and my parents and friends worried about my health condition. My friend advised me to buy a car and visited parents on weekends. I followed her advice and I could visit my parents every weekends. It was helpful for my loneliness and I felt much better. My car helped me to travel long distance in short time and meet my parents easily.
Moreover, automobiles helpful for relieving stress for workers are helpful to relieve stress (동사가 없습니다). Having the outlet for the stress has meaning since it helps one to regain energy and strength to move on. People nowadays have suffered from not only physically but also mentally. By going to work with their car, people can diminish their level of stress. For instance, my friend Edward had a hard time since his workplace was far from his home. He spend almost 4 hours everyday in subway and it made him exhausted spent almost four hours every day in subway which made him exhausted. He needed to wake up 6 a.m. in the morning, and he came back home after 9 p.m. And some people made him annoying since they poked him in subway. He thought that spending time in subway is meaningless so he bought a car. It took only 1 hour for him to go to work and there was no one who disturbs him. He was not stressed out anymore since he could save his time and energy.
In conclusion, automobile is helpful for meeting to meet people who lived distant. Also, by driving car people can help people relieve their stress. In this regard, I firmly believe that automobile has changed people’s lives the most.
점수: 22
일단 지금 이 에세이는 크게 두 가지 문제를 가지고 있습니다. 첫 번째는 문법적 부분입니다. 각 단락에서 엄청나게 많은 문법적 오류들이 보입니다. 이러한 부분들은 에세이를 서술하고 난 후에 꼭 정검이 필요해 보입니다. 두 번째 문제는 개연성이 부족합니다. 앞 뒤 맥락이 없이 갑작스런 문장이 나타나는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 문장들은 에세이 플로우를 방해할 뿐만 아니라 개연성을 망칩니다. 이러한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
감사합니다~!
▶ Your Answer :