Some people say that mankind is different from animal in that people humans are more rational, have rationality, thus they argue the (that) there is no need to study the nature of animal (in order to learn human nature.) However, (however 뒤에 콤마 까먹지 마세요~) I strongly believe that by examinging behavioral patterns of animal, we can get to know human nature better. This is mainly because mankind and animal are same in that they all both have basic intincts. In addition, both endeavor to achieve what they want.
(이유가 주장에 대한 support 로 쓰이기에는 조금 부족한것 같습니다. have in common 에 대해서 쓴듯한 느낌도 있고.. <<왜>> 동물에 대한 study 를 통해 human nature 에 대해서 알수있는지 써주세요~!
두 이유는 """have in common 이 많기 때문에""" 라는 이유에 대한 supporting 설명이 되는것이 더 좋을것 같네요!)
To start with, (human, as well as animal) both the humans and animals behave according to their intrinsic (instrinsic 은 명사가 아니랍니다~! 따라서 뒤에 value 라던가.. 하는 무언가가 필요합니다. 이 경우에는 value 가 좋을것같네요.). In other words, animal, (animal have 가 아니라 animals 겠죠!) including human have basic need of eating, sleeping, and proliferation and these makes (their master behave in a way that suffices them.) To illustrate this point, anthropologists have indicated that humans people mostly behave according to the order of their instinction (instinct) rather than their intellect. According to a study, about 70 percent of the decision made by people is to meet basic instinction (basic needs 아닌가요..?^^). Therefore, by studying animals, we can get to know how peple cope with in a certain situation.
(cope with in certain situation 인데..그러면 어떤 한 situation 을 가지고 설명하시는게 더 좋을듯 합니다. "어떤 상황" 에서 동물과 인간이 똑같은 행동을 하기 때문에.. 를 예제로 적는것도 좋을것 같아요.
예를들어, 밥을 먹을때 어떤 행동을 한다거나.. 이렇게 ""특정한 한 행동"" 을 예제로 써서, 부연설명을 쓰는것이 좋을것같아요..!)
In addition, animal give (animal gives OR animals give) efforts to achieve what they want and so does the mankind. For example, male birds tries to mate with female birds. In order to achieve this goal, they sometimes make their nest tidy or make themselves look attractive. Scientist have indicated that male bower birds decorate thier nests, dress up, and even dance to attract the female. Likewise, (콤마 써주세요~!) people wanting entice female or male endeavor to mate, in order for a male person to ~, such as dressing up, or even go under plastic surgery to be attractive.
(같은 행동을 한다는 점에서.. 두 문단의 내용이 조금 겹치는것 같기도 한데요, 그런데 첫 문단에서 ""본능"" 을 따른다. 는 점을 더 강조하시고, 두번째 문단이 어떻게 첫 문단과 다른지 적어주시면 좋을것같아요^^
그리고 문법 오류가 계속 있는데, bold해놨으니까 이부분 모두 주의하시구요~!)
To sum up, since people is the same as animal in that both have instinct and make an effort to obtain certain goal. It is helpful to study the pattern of behavior of animal. |