It is often said that human activities have made the Earth more convenient. a more convenient place. Some people may be agree with this statement because people have lived with various conveniences (lifestyle 에서 convenience 를 찾는다는 표현도 좋을것같아요^^) such as electricity, cars. (list 할때 마지막 콤마 뒤에는 꼭 and 써주세요^^) However, I strongly believe that human activities are threatening (문제에서 have made~ 으로 주어졌으니, have threatened 죠^^) the natural environment as well as human lives. (both the env. and human lives 도 좋으니 알아두셔요~^^) The rationale behind this is that human activities have caused damage to the environment. Also, human inventions have threatened people's lives.
(마지막에 damage to the env. and human life 은 바로 전 문장 strongly believe~ 이 문장의 반복인것 같습니다. 문제는 "have human activities improved the earth?" 입니다. 그러니 이에대한 답을 해줘야죠! "I strongly believe that human actvities~." 이렇게 써주셔야합니다^^. 그리고 이 주장에 대한 이유로 damage 를 나타내면 좋을것 같습니다^^.)
To begin with, human activities have severely damaged the environment. That is, in order to fulfill human's selfish and greedy, (selfish 와 greedy 는 모두 형용사 입니다. selfishness ad greediness) human have (humans have) harmed the environment by such as overexploiting resources, invading (animal) habitats, and polluting water and as well as the air. (through overexploitation of resources invasion of habitats ... 이런식으로 쓸수도 있습니다. 알아두세요^^) The best example of this is global warming. This phenomenon is caused by green gases (emission of greenhouse gas OR greenhouse gas emission) which are produced when people burn oil and coal to generate electricity,(to generate power 라고 해도 좋겠네요) (run automobiles, and heat houses). Due to global warming, the Earth is suffering from scorching summers, massive flooding, and drastic draught. (지구가 직접 suffer from ~ 하는건 아니죠~! 지구의 이상현상 때문에 우리가 피해를 보는거잖아요^^. 그러니, 지구가 irregular 하고 unexpected or unusual 한 현상들, such as~ 를 보인다. 고 말하면 좋을것 같아요^^) Moreover, logging companies cut down countless trees that have capacity to absorb harmful gases. (that could otherwise be used to absorb harmful/emitted gases. Nowadays, the situation is getting worse. (the situation has gotten worse) This clearly proves that the Earth have has not been developed, but rather have been destroyed by human activities.
(직접적인 예제를 들어주는것이 좋을것같아요~!! 예를들어, 태안이나 맥시코만 기름유출 incident 를 들어줘도 괜찮을것같아요^^. 맥시코만 (Gulf of Mexico) 의 oil spill 은 특히 "BP" (British Petroleum), 즉 "인간" 의 책임을 묻고있는 만큼, 인간의 개발과 시도 를 통해 더 발전시키고자 했던 의도가 have worsened the earth 했다는 것을 증명하는 하나의 예죠!
이 예제 말고도.. co2와 다른 harmful gas 의 emission 으로 일어나는 global warming 으로 인해, iceberg 가 계속 녹으면서 sea level 이 높아지고 있다고 하잖아요? 이런 예제도 괜찮을것 같습니다^^.
자동차로 인해 주변 공기가 안좋아진다는 예는 물론 틀린건 아니지만, 우리는 earth 를 가지고 논하고 있기 때문에 좀 세계적인? 문제를 써주시는게 좋아요~!)
In addition, human inventions have threatened are threatening people' lives as well. In other words, millions of people are dying because of human inventions including seemingly innocuous cars and development of weapons. To be specific, automobiles are very convenient means for human, but they also are a deadly form of transportation. A large number of people die worldwide in car accidents every year. Furthermore, due to exhaust fumes from cars, a lot of people are getting cancer or a variety of diseases. On top of that, millions of people die from weapons of massive destruction such as chemical weapon, bullets, and bombs. In particular, many people are scaried of nuclear bomb which have power to disappear the Earth that people live.
(마지막 문장은 그리 중요하지 않은 부분 같네요^^ 이런 설명 보다는.. 조금 더 직접적인 예를 써주세요. nuclear bomb 이 scare people 한다는것 말고, 또 어떤것이 있나요? 무기를 가지고 전쟁을 일으키고, mass casualty 를 자아낸다는것을 예로 들면 좋을것같네요~!)
To sum up, human activities have endangered both the environment and human lives. Not only do human activities destroy the nature, but human invention also have threatened people' lives. It is the time to repair the environment and stop wars to destruct each other. |