▶ Your Answer :
Some people might
think being realistic is good for our life. However, in my opinion, having ambitious
dream is better. One reason is that a life chasing after one’s own dream will find
authentic meaning of life. And also having ambitious dreams make people relive
from stress for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 서술할 것이기 때문에 인트로를 굳이 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다).
First of all,
having ambitious dream makes one’s life more brightly. In the process of finding
and chasing after one’s own dream, people can meet various people and cope with
the unexpected experiences. I believe that experience is one of the essential
factors of success in this world. By meeting various people and going toward stage
of the dream, people can not only gain experience but also broaden their horizon
of the world. For example, when I was in high school, I hoped to be hired by
company since everyone around me hoped it too. I was spending every day routine
for my career without any meaning of real life. Then, I found out that there
will be no delight or pleasure if I spending time like this. spend repeated routine Therefore, I quit employment preparation and started learning music that I wanted to learn
before to learn music. After learning it, I could enjoy my own life by going to a music
concert and meeting various friends in there.
Second, people
can relieve their stress as they doing something really want. Having the outlet
of stress has a meaning in itself since it helps one regain energy and find the
strength to go on. People nowadays have pressure not only physically but also
mentally. After doing something that people really wanted to, people will be
able to get back on track will get back on track. In my case, when I was preparing for my employment
that I actually didn’t want, I stressed out so much that I could not eat very
well, and my mental health was also pressing down often. However, after finding
my real dream, I have recovered increasingly and my dream became my outlet of
stress.
To sum up, I
think that having ambitious dream helps one to find a real meaning of life. Moreover,
it can also relieve one’s stress that comes from daily routine. In these
regard, I firmly believe that having ambitious dream is better than bien
realistic.
점수; 26 일단 지금 이 에세이는 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 설명들은 전반적인 에세이로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 에세이 자체가 장황하게 되면 본레의 전달하고자 하는 의미가 변질되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이는 좀 더 간결하게 본인의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하면 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하는 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
|