▶ Your Answer :
It is always difficult to fathom what others think, but my opinion
in regard to the given topic is adamant. I advocate that reading the books and
watching movies which someone likes are not an effective way to know about the
person for the following subsequent reasons.
To start with, grasping a person by books and movies is not always accurate.
To be more specific, movies and books a person likes cannot represent who he or
she is such as personality and other preference. Thus, those are just one’s
own particular preferences which are not effectively conducive to know about the
person. For example, my younger sister, Soyoung Han, likes watching Marvel movies.
Even though she enjoys watching them, she has not read any of Marvel comic books
and is not interested in any actors or actresses in the movies she does not read books not interested in actors or actresses. She just watches them.
It is just one of the information of her. Therefore, reading books and watching
movies that a person likes cannot be a great method to know about the person. (반복된 표현을 계속해서 하고 있습니다)
Moreover,
people will waste time by reading the books and watching the movies. In the worse
scenario, if they are not interested in the genre of them, the time will be
even boring (지금 이 단락은 주제 자체를 벗어났습니다). In the world we live in, time is gold. as a way to know about a
person, talking with the person in person is a much better way rather than
understanding a certain preference. My personal experience can be illustrated
to prove this point. When I was in high school, I was into one of my friends,
Dayoung Jung. She used to read a series of books written by Chulsoo Kim, who is a
famous writer in Korea. I read those books and I could have an opportunity to
talk with her. However, the contents only led the conversation for a short period
of time and the relationships did not enhance a lot. Later, I thought that it would
have been better to do some activity together and talk with her than just have
a conversation about what she likes.
Taking
all these things into account, I believe that reading the books and watching movies
that someone likes is not necessary for knowing to know about the person for the two
crucial reasons mentioned.
점수: 23 일단 중요한 포인트는 두 번째 단락 자체가 주제를 벗어낫습니다. 주제를 벗어나서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 항상 이유를 서술할 때 주제에 중점을 두면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 전반적으로 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |