토플은 첨이라 저도 잘모르지만, 잘쓰시네요.
문제가 있어보이는 부분만 굵은글씨로 해놓았습니다. 틀렸다기보단, 약간부적절해 보이는 부분일수 있으니.. 스스로 생각해보시는게 더 좋을듯 합니다. 틀릴수도 있으니, 참고만하세요.
또한, 이글에서는 일정한 패턴의 CAUSE, MAKE 동사가 너무 많이 쓰인듯 합니다.
다른 말로 바꿔서 쓰시면, 좋은 점수 나올듯하네요.
When I was young, I used to eat delicious and nutritious foods my mom made for me everyday. It took almost an hour for her to prepare for my one meal. However, recently, I become so busy, and I usually eat instant noodles or hamburgers for my dinner. It's true that many working and studying people nowadays save their food preparing time by eating fastfoods or instant foods and spend them into more meaningful work. However, I believe that health problems, bad life patterns, and environmental pollutions caused by this change worsen the quality of people's lives.
To begin with, instant foods or fast foods can cause health problems. It's widely known that eating fastfood is the main cause of getting fat and unhealthy. Too much trans fats and too less vegetables in those foods may cause even serious health problems, such as obesity or heart diseases. Besides, tens of harmful chemicals are injected in instant foods. People add chemicals to prevent foods from decaying, produce pretty colors of foods, or make delicious smells. Those chemicals are also known to be dangerous for human body.
Moreover, preparing foods in too short time makes people's life patterns undesirable. Busy life even without time for rest and having meals would be so sad and unhappy. Also, this kind of life patterns would make people feel confused and tired. On the other hand, some people would tend to have lazy life than before. Since people don't have to buy ingredients from markets and make something to eat by themselves, they would rely only on instant foods too much. Eating snacks or pizzas all the time would make people's lives so meaningless.
Finally, packaging of instant foods can be a factor of environmental problems. Packaging of instant foods are usually plastics or vinyl, and those things have bad effects on the soil. Since they are not likely to decay easily, if those trash are piled up on the Earth for long time, it will cause serious soil pollution. Furthermore, when the packaging is burned, harmful gases are released from the burning trash. Those environmental hormones may threaten humans' health seriously.
In conclusion, in spite of the adventages the shorten food preparing time brought, the way people live didn't improve at all. This change caused more serious and even dangerous problems in people's lives, such as health problems, bad life patterns, and environmental problems. Thesedays, although I can save my eating time and spend them into studying or preparing for my future, I still miss the foods my mom made for me when I was young.
> > 2009-05-28 21:58:44, '또도와주세요' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic : Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? | |
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When I was young, I used to eat delicious and nutritious foods my mom made for me everyday. It took almost an hour for her to prepare for my one meal. However, recently, I become so busy, and I usually eat instant noodles or hamburgers for my dinner. It's true that many working and studying people nowadays save their food preparing time by eating fastfoods or instant foods and spend them into more meaningful work. However, I believe that health problems, bad life patterns, and environmental pollutions caused by this change worsen the quality of people's lives.
To begin with, instant foods or fast foods can cause health problems. It's widely known that eating fastfood is the main cause of getting fat and unhealthy. Too much trans fats and too less vegetables in those foods may cause even serious health problems, such as obesity or heart diseases. Besides, tens of harmful chemicals are injected in instant foods. People add chemicals to prevent foods from decaying, produce pretty colors of foods, or make delicious smells. Those chemicals are also known to be dangerous for human body.
Moreover, preparing foods in too short time makes people's life patterns undesirable. Busy life even without time for rest and having meals would be so sad and unhappy. Also, this kind of life patterns would make people feel confused and tired. On the other hand, some people would tend to have lazy life than before. Since people don't have to buy ingredients from markets and make something to eat by themselves, they would rely only on instant foods too much. Eating snacks or pizzas all the time would make people's lives so meaningless.
Finally, packaging of instant foods can be a factor of environmental problems. Packaging of instant foods are usually plastics or vinyl, and those things have bad effects on the soil. Since they are not likely to decay easily, if those trash are piled up on the Earth for long time, it will cause serious soil pollution. Furthermore, when the packaging is burned, harmful gases are released from the burning trash. Those environmental hormones may threaten humans' health seriously.
In conclusion, in spite of the adventages the shorten food preparing time brought, the way people live didn't improve at all. This change caused more serious and even dangerous problems in people's lives, such as health problems, bad life patterns, and environmental problems. Thesedays, although I can save my eating time and spend them into studying or preparing for my future, I still miss the foods my mom made for me when I was young. | |