▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that the investment in trips plays an important role in contemporary society. However, in my opinion, I strongly believe that saving money and reading travel books are more desirable ways in comparison to traveling internal and external places.
To begin with, accumulating money outweighs spending travel costs. In general, we can not know what happens in the near future. It is the best way to prepare for retirements, medical costs and other unexpected events by saving money. For example, I me and my brother has have different living styles.My brother enjoys his life by traveling overseas several times in a year while I make an effort to spare spending in preparation for sudden injuries and old age. My brother always complains he does not have enough money to go to hospital in order to check health condition. Thus, he always asks others borrow money, which leads to deteriorate relationships with friends and family. On the other hand, I have a habit of saving a portion of my salary, which makes me comfortable and affordable. On top of that, reading travel books written by professionals is to help people to know other counties
rather than visitiing tourist attractions in person, To be specific, specialists can explain and provide a myriad of travel information with detailed photos and comments. For instance, I visited Italy two years ago without previous information. While staying in the country, I suffered from how to use public transportation (transportation은 셀 수 없는 명사 입니다) and sight see attractions without schedules. Thus, I experienced bad memories in traveling overseas and recognized reading travel books would be reasonable methods when it came to considering expensive travel expenses.
To sum up, taking the problems with spending money on trips and the benefits of reading travel books into consideration, I firmly believe that saving money instead of paying for travel expenses is beneficial.
점수: 22 일단 두 번째 단락은 주제를 벗어났습니다. 지금 이 에세이의 전반적인 주제는 돈을 저축하는 것이 좋은것인지 여행을 떠나는 것이 좋은것인지 입니다. 지금 이 단락 같은 경우는 전혀 쌩뚱 맞지 않게 여행 책을 보는 것이 좋다라고 되어있습니다. 따라서 주제에 맞춰서 항상 이유를 선정하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |