■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people think that it is more important for university's money spending on facilities than hiring good teachers. However, in my opinion, it is better to hire good teachers than to spend money on facilities. There is one major reason why hiring good teachers is essential. Hiring good teachers has an effect on university rankings. This is because good teachers influence students’ personal growth. To be specific, good teacher means a person who is good at teaching and has a great amount of knowledge and information. A variety of knowledge and information helps (주어 동사 불일치) students improve their academic performance and broaden their horizon of the world. Especially, it is required for people to have a wide variety of knowledge rather than deep knowledge in one specific field. A person who has a great amount of knowledge is regarded as ‘a person of intelligence’ in this world. On the other hand, those who have no interest and knowledge in diverse field might be simply ignored by people. For example, when I was in university, my professor had a great amount of knowledge in major field as well as different field. Also, he has an (모음으로 시작하는 단어 앞에는 an이 관사로 옵니다.) outstanding ability to communicate his knowledge. I really focus on his class and spend lots of time in sharing thought and knowledge with him. As a result, I began to gain academic achievement and got a good job after graduating university. Through my experience, I realized that good teachers play a vital role in students’ personal growth. Therefore, it is evident that if most students have a result like me, their university will be ranked high in national university rankings. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is more important for university hiring good teachers than spending money on facilities. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. |
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1. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
2. topic sentence의 방향성이 잘못된 것 같습니다.
personal growth에 도움이 된다 인데
topic sentence는 대학 순위를 말하고 있어서 부조화스럽습니다.
3. 사소한 문법 오류가 곳곳마다 있으니 꼼꼼히 체크해주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*