▶ Your Answer : It
is debatable whether what is the best way to build a dormitory enhance the quality of students through dormitory. This is an
intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different depending
on individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that Providing providing (대문자는 문장 시작할 때만 서술하시길 바랍니다) an
entertainment place will be beneficial for students for the following reasons.
First
of all, an entertainment place helps students relieve stress. To be specific,
students in dormitory can enjoy their free time by dancing, listening music,
doing exercise, and watching television programs. Students in modern society
get a lot of stress such as studying for exams, papers, and worry about future.
However, thanks to entertainment programs in dormitory, students can get away
stress relieve stresses. For example, when I was younger, I taken took (take의 과거형은 took 입니다) dancing class in my dormitory.
My friend and I danced for one hours every day. This helped me to forget about
the stressful aspects of my daily life such as studying for exams and writing
papers. Through this experience, I think that building entertainment place is
best for students.
In
addition, an entertainment place gives opportunity to meet foreigners. To be specific,
by taking class in dormitory programs students can meet easily foreigners,
which as a result allows students understand other cultures, lifestyles, and
perspectives. As modern society is becoming has become increasingly globalized, today’s
world requires people with international views. Students can do this by playing
with foreigners in entertainment place. For example, I met my American friend Lucy
in dormitory entertainment programs. Thanks to Lucy I can learn a lot of America
culture, history, and lifestyles. Through this experience, I realized that entertainment
place will be good for students.
In
conclusion, I firmly believe that providing entertainment place will be the best
way to improve the life quality of students. It is my belief that I arguments
regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons
mentioned above.
점수: 28 일단 지금 이 에세이는 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서 잘 서술한 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명들을 통하여서 학생들의 질을 높이기 위해서는 기숙사 안에 운동할 수 있는 곳을 만들어야 하는 것에 대한 구체적 설명을 아주 잘 하셨습니다. tap버튼을 누르고 단락을 쓰는 것은 점수에 크게 지장이 없습니다. 이것에 신경을 쓰는 것 보다는 내용에 더 중점을 두는 것 이 좋을 거 같습니다! 수고많으셨습니다.
서론쓰고 나서 한줄 띄우고 Tab 버튼 누르고 그 다음 단락 쓰는 건가요? 모든 문단을 이런식으로 써야 하는 건인지 알려주실 수 있으세요!? |