▶ Your Answer :
Some
people believe that strict rules are not necessary for children to obtain success.
However, in my opinion, children raised under parents that set strict rules are
more likely to succeed in life, because they would have an ability to regulate themselves
and regular life habit. to succeed parents should set strict rules for the following two subsequent reasons. To
begin with, following the rules means to regulate oneself one can regulate. Mostly, parental
rules are set to let children know what they can do and what they cannot.
Making them stick to those rules will make children realize that they cannot do
everything they want during their lifetime, which eventually make them control
their behaviors or feelings. For example, there is a famous experiment
conducted in the United States. An adult gave children a marshmallow and told
them not to eat for a while. The result of this experiment shows that children
who kept themselves from eating a marshmallow turn out to be more successful
than the ones who ate it. In other words, people who try to follow the rules
have a better self-control and a better chance succeed as well. On
top of that, strict rules can help children have regular life style. By setting
specific time for certain activity or specific manner to get things done,
parents can make their children be accustomed accustom to desirable habits or way of
behaviors. For example, my grandparents set really strict rules for my father
when he was young. He had to get up at seven every day, eat breakfast, and go
for a walk for a half hour. As a result, my father got used to these life pattern
and keeps following them. Thanks to these habit, he keeps in shape until
nowadays. Moreover, since he starts a day earlier than other, he is able to
utilize he can utilize his time more productively, which made him a successful business man. To
sum up, strict rules are good for improving to improve children’s self-regulation ability
and developing develop regular habit. In this regard, I believe that parent should set
strict rules for their children if they want them to grow up as a successful adult.
점수: 25 전체적으로 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 불필요한 부연설명들은 에세이로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 에세이가 장황하게 되다 보면 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되게 때문에 좀 더 간결하게 본인의 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하면 전반적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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