▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, the environment plays a significant role in peoples' lives in many places where they work or play. Some people think that eco-friendly technologies can contribute to conserving the environment while others do not. conserve the environment while others think differently. Both sides have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to give a opinion on that, I would say that state-of-the-art technologies positively affect our nature as well as the globe. There are several reasons as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, when technologies concerned about public transportaions develop, they can prevent climate changes. development in transportation prevents climate change. High-level technology is able to construct much more convenient public transporation system. can bring about more convenient public transportation. More usage of public transportaions tends to reduce transportation reduces (transportation은 단수 주어 입니다) the amount of CO2 which is mainly cause of weather changes. For example, in the United States, The Texas suffered from unexpected massive flooding, leading to thousands of deaths and lots of damages on forests. This was rare case for the state well known for its dry weather. Many experts linked the disaster to the increase of CO2, which mainly caused by individual cars. Some of study conduct about the relation between usages of cars and the amount of CO2 in the air mentioned that if one-third of commuters use public transportaion such as a bus or subway, then natural flooding will not happen again. stated that the less usage of own car can reduce the environment change in climate The government acknowledge the need to take much careful measures to protect environment. In addition, thanks to the development of technology, subways' capacity are much better compared to the ones in the past. in comparison to the past. Moreover, fuel efficiency was quite increased by new technology, people can take more reasonable subway tickets. Therefore people started making use of subways these days in the Texas and so the level of amount of CO2 stay safe. to use subways to reduce the amount of CO2 level. Without new technology, the state would still have been in danger of flooding.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the environment will be more protected these days rather than the past for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, this trend will continue and pass down to the next generation.
점수: 22 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 너무나 많은 정보를 한 단락에 넣으려고 하다 보니 전체적으로 에세이 자체가 장황하게 되었습니다. 에세이가 장황해 지다 보면 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질 되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 간결하게 본인의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |