▶ Your Answer :
As time goes on, so many things are improved and developed in many ways.
Even food has become easier to cook which led people to save time, to feel
convenient and to socialize with people. The following opinions are some points
I want to mention. I agree with such statement for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, because of the advanced
technologies, unlike before people can reduce time efficiently people can save time efficiently. It is because
things have gotten Life has become easier such as cooking and more other things. When cooking,
they don’t have to go over a long process of cooking because these days, most
of the company focuses on time reducing and convenient options when producing a
material or utensils for cooking do not have to go all the process of cooking as the food has recently become instant. At early times, when technology was not
improved than now, they used much times for cooking. to cook But now, cooking is done
within minutes. For instance, I was able to eat breakfast when I was late for
school because it didn’t take long time for cooking and preparing. Since they
can use time wisely and productively, it developed the life of people. did not take long time to cook and prepare
On
top of that, due to today’s improved technology in cooking, people who were not
able to cook well could make or prepare foods easily than before people can easily prepare for food. So they don’t
feel so pressured to cook when there are visitors from outside which means they
can easily socialize with people at home. Moreover, they can also save money. When
you go to glossary markets or to supermarkets, they sell foods that are packed
in plastics which are really easy to cook. people go to supermarkets, they sell foods that can be easily cooked. They just have to put them all in
microwaves or oven. Also, they don’t have to buy ingredients to cook which
costs a lot. For example, when I tried to cook with many materials, I didn’t use
them all because all of them are not needed in cooking the food what I want. But
when I bought the preserved foods, I don’t have to waste my money and time.
Also, the quality was good.
To
sum up, people can manage time, save money, feel convenient and even get along
with people with the improved cooking today. In this regard, I strongly say
that those technics made our life better than before.
점수: 22 전체적으로 어색한 표현들이 많은 독립형 에세이입니다. 어색한 표현들이 많다 보면 전체적으로 에세이 플로우가 모호하게 됩니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 약간 run on sentence들이 있습니다. 좀 더 문법적 부분에 대하여서 중점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
|