▶ Your Answer :
Some
people may say that comprehending the past is not crucial to being able to
tackle obstacles facing us now and in the future. However, I have a different
idea. I firmly believe that understanding the past is critical to being able to
deal with the problems facing us now and in the future for the following
reasons. First, people can make a less mistakes. Second, they can anticipate
future event or prospect.
First
of all, it is very important to understand the past in order to cope with obstacles
facing us currently because people can reduce the same mistakes. In other words,
through the past events, they can learn about which choice is the best. By gaining
information about the past events, people are able to deal with the problems appropriately.
For example, in Japan, there was a huge disaster like from tsunami. At first, the
government overlooked that the prediction computer was had introduced. Eventually, many
areas in Japan were are damaged and even many people are died. After the serious disaster,
they must have introduced an this up-to-date computer system. As a result, this
computer system makes Japan anticipate the catastrophe event and deal with the
problem effectively. This shows that it is important to learn about the past.
Second,
it is very important to comprehend the past to overcome difficulty in the
future because past events tend to occur repeatedly. When it comes to economic
depression in South Korea, people can see that there are similar patterns in
great depression. After some financial crisis occurrence such as stock collapse, Korea economy
crisis happened because they did not prepare the appropriate solution beforehand.
In spite of recognition of happening economic depression happening in similar pattern,
government did not deal with the problem, which led to serious great
depression. So, by understanding the past thoroughly, people will be able to cope
with the problem properly.
To sum up, comprehending apprehending the past is the essential
factor to solve the problem facing us now and in the future because people
decrease the same mistakes and they can expect the problem to some extent.
Therefore, I strongly believe that understanding the past helps people solve the
problem in the future.
Comment : 같은 실수를 반복하지 않을 수 있고 문제상황을 예상해서 대응할 수 있다는 주장들은 좋지만 설명 흐름이 어색한 것이 아쉽습니다. 각 문단에서 소개하는 사례가 주장과 좀 더 긴밀한 연관성을 보일 수 있도록 비슷한 내용이 반복되는 부분은 정리하고, 연결고리가 잘 드러나도록 설명을 다듬어보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 표현 면에서 어색하게 사용된 부분들이 없도록 단어 사용에 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |