▶ Your Answer :
First of all, it is more beneficial for
people to have friends who are different from you than (to make friends) who
are similar to you because it broadens people’s perspectives. To be specific,
sharing ideas and views with people who are different from you exposes you to several information, which
as a result allows them to better understand other cultures, lifestyles and
perspectives. As modern society is increasingly has increasingly become globalized, today’s world
requires people with international views. People can do this better by talking
about many things with friends who have diverse backgrounds. To illustrate,
Steve Jobs, who is the founder of Apple, made great accomplishments in his
lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he was
global-minded and culturally sensitive. He did this by cooperating with his
college’s friends who have contrasting opinions to him when he was in
university. (그와 다른 의견을 가진 친구)Therefore, this proves that people
should make friends who are different from you in order to widen their perspectives.
질문 1. 비교급 쓴 부분 than 이후에 to make friends 를 생략하고 who 이후만 써도 되나요?
일단 이 에세이에서 주의 해야하실 부분은 you를 서술하면 안됩니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 이인칭 주어보다는 삼인칭 주어를 서술하는 것이 중요합니다. 계속 해서 반복되는 부분이 많은데 이 부분들을 다른 표현으로 서술하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 2. different from 을 paraphrasing할려면 뭐로 써야하나요?? distinctive, not similar등등 좋은 단어 동의어들을 서술하는 것 이 좋을 거 같습니다. 3. 오프토픽 여부 봐주시면 감사하겠습니다!
만약 오프토픽이라면 뭔 문장을 적는게 좋을지도 알려주세요! 오프토픽 하지 않았습니다. 하지만 전체적으로 반복된 문장이 많은 거 같으니 단어 선정을 할 때 다른 표현들로 서술하는 것 도 좋을 거 같습니다. 감사합니다
|