▶ Your Answer :
Rules exist to make societies safer or more predictable. If there are no rules in societies, people who live there can't prepare appropriately what happenings will happen next, so, the societies will be messed up eventually. However in societies today, that rules are applied differently for people's age, applied too strict towards young people. 따라서 이 인트로에서 말하려고 하는 것이 무엇인가요? 자신의 주장은 또한 무엇인가요? First, many rules are outdated to be applied to young people. Usually, rules, which exist present societies were made by senior people. While societies are changed faster and faster, rules in there are changed too slow. For example, in Korea, there is a rule, that had formed some decades ago. In the past, prices of real estimates are not as high as those of these days. So conventional fee for estimates agents is about 10 percent of the price of the objects. But these days, the price of real estimates have been soaring dramatically, so people who want to buy a new house, especially young people, feel that the price is absurdly high. It is almost impossible for young people to buy a new home not only because the price of a house itself but also because of the commission fee for real estimate agents. Secondly, young people are forced to comply with more social rules than older people. Since it is normal that societies are ruled by senior citizens, young people have to set their expectation. In Korea, to respect older people is not just a virtue, but almost of a kind of social rule. For example, in Korea, when young people start to eat before older people start, older people often scold young people. It is regarded as an impolite behavior. Additionally, even present policy serves differently by the people’s age. While old people are given benefits by social welfare, young people can’t enjoy sort of thing. In my country, senior citizens who are above sixty-five can use public transportations for free. On the other hand, young people have to pay the fee for themselves. It is because young people are regarded as economically active population. However, the economy is getting worse so it is true that old people are usually more affluent than young people. To sum up, young people’s lives are getting harder and harder because of the above-mentioned reasons. All things considered, I believe that it is true that societies require young people to obey and follow strict rules.
good: 24`30 점수: 24 일단 너무나 많은 정보를 이 에세이를 통하여서 다루려고 합니다. 이러한 부분은 세 가지 이유를 서술한 것에서 가장 쉽게 보여집니다. 이렇게 많은 정보를 다 넣으려고 하는 것 보다는 간결하게 에세이를 서술하는 것이 가장 기본 중에 기본이라고 생각합니다. 장황하게 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 에세이를 서술하는 것이 좋아 보입니다. 세 가지 이유로 서술하는 것 보다는 두 가지로 본인의 이유와 주장을 더 잘 전달 할 수 있다면 그것이 더 좋은 선택이라고 봅니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |