▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that electric cars will not replace
conventional automobiles. However, I personally disagree with the above idea
for the subsequence subsequent two
reasons. First, electric cars can reduce air pollution. Second, electric cars are
more cost effectively than gasoline cars in the long run.
First, electric cars will reduce air pollution in the earth. Recently, air pollution has been issued a problematic issue in the international society
because of the gas from cars and factories, and
the emitting the gas emission from conventional
cars is the largest contributor. (위 두 문장은 합쳐주시는 게 자연스럽습니다.) So it is caused by the The emission in turn causes global warming due to destroy
the destruction of the Ozone layer. But electric
car doesn’t emit the gas. So we don’t have to worry about polluting our
environment when we are driving.
Second, electricity cars are more
cost effectively than gasoline cars in the long run. This means that we can
ride our car at a more reasonable expense. For
example, one of the electric car company offers a free
electricity for their customers. (회사 이름을 적으셔서 더 근거가 있는 예시로 만들어주세요) In addition, we don’t have to spend our money to prevent ourselves from running out the of gas in the future, because
we can generate the electricity by several ways, unlike gasoline.
To sum up, using
electric cars have has more beneficial
factors than using conventional automobiles. In this regard, I strongly argue
that electric cars should replace conventional automobiles.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
22 |
Overall
Comment: |
포인트는 잘 잡으셨어요. 다만
주장을 많지만 설득력이 있는 근거나 예시가 부족합니다. 전체적으로 글이 짧습니다. 본문 두 번째 문단의 길이도 늘려주세요. 문법 오류들도
있으니 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
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