▶ Your Answer : Some people think that the experience of getting a part-time
job is helpful to teenage students. However, in my opinion, having a part-time
job can have an adverse effect on teenagers because it interrupts with their
studies and can cause a significant emotional distress.
To begin with, engaging in a part-time job can be a major
source of distraction from students’ primary duty: studying. Student often find
the time to work part-time after school, but in fact this time should be
dedicated to their independent studies, especially when it is an exam period.
However, even after they return from work, it is highly likely that they would
not have enough energy left to study in the evening. A study from the
University of Nottingham found that 70% of students from a secondary school who
have been engaging in a part-time job performed more poorly in assessments than
those who haven’t have not. This indicates that it is better for students to study more
than do a part-time job concerning the prospect of their future career.
Second, it is not unusual that experiences of working part-time cause distress to young students. Job openings they are qualified for are
often from sectors that involve hard labor or service encounters which
incorporate having to deal with some horrendous people who look down on younger
ones. With the fragile minds and sensitivity of most teenagers, these can be highly
stressful experiences to them. For example, my friend used to work part-time
for a counter position at a local supermarket. She was enthusiastic about the
job at first, but unfortunately she was encountered with harsh comments from and
rude behaviors of some customers. Eventually she had no choice but to quit earlier
than she had initially contracted. This shows that teenagers are at the threat
of getting emotionally hurt, even physically in some extreme cases, if they
work part-time, therefore it is preferable for them not to do at all.
To sum up, having a part-time job can distract students from
studying and can cause harm to teenage students. In this regard, I maintain that it
is not beneficial for them to have part-time jobs. Good: 24~30 점수: 27 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는것이 문법적인 부분도 중요하지만 본인의 에세이를 가지고 상대방을 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 이러한 측면으로 봤을 때 지금 이 에세이는 아주 잘 충족 시키는 거 같습니다. 논리적인 부분도 그렇고 전체적으로 각 바디들의 예시들이 이유를 잘 설명 하고 있고 왜 본인이 주제에 대해서 이러한 생각들을 가지게 되었는 지 잘 알 수 있었던 부분입니다. 따라서 아주 잘 서술되어진 에세이 입니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |