▶ Your Answer :
Regarding the issue of whether the most
important improvements for the quality of people’s lives have already taken
place or not has been a debate. Perhaps someone thinks that the most important
improvements do not take place yet, but I think that improvements for better
quality of people’s lives have already taken place for two reasons: development
of technology allows people to live more safety and it makes people to avoid
diseases.
To begin with, improvement of technology
makes people to live in more safety environment. Many consider that developments
of technology for the quality of people’s lives do not take yet place yet because there
are still many things that technology cannot replace to humans. However, it is
undeniable that technologies helped people to avoid dangerous and hard work by
replacing humans’ works to mechanics. For example, my brother worked in a car
factory and before development of technology, people who work in the factory
had to be exposed to danger that they could hurt be hurt by working with mechanics. One
day, the man in the factory hurt his arm by being compressed by a mechanic.
After that event, they realized mechanics to replace humans’ works are needed
and they brought some mechanics to replace mechanic technology to avoid dangerous circumstances. As a result, they do not have to work in
dangerous environment because mechanics do human’s works instead of them. This
shows that developments of technologies make people to avoid dangerous work.
On top of that, improvement of technology
makes people to avoid diseases. It is evident that development of technology
improves medical skills and creates sophisticated mechanics for surgery. Due to
the reasons Due to these reasons, people can find their diseases early and it makes them to makes them prevent
their diseases from becoming worse worsened. In addition, they can treat their diseases
easily than before with better mechanics. For example, 10 years ago, it was not
easy to find cancers early in the body, so it was usually found lately and it
makes doctors to get rid of it hard allowed doctors to get rid of with difficulty. However, now it is easy to find it in
early time with medical devices and it makes it possible to eliminate it
easily. As a result, people don’t do not have to struggle with diseases and can
prevent it more quickly. This shows that improvements of technology makes
people to live make people live healthy by preventing it early.
To sum up with To sum up, I emphasized enough that
the most significant improvements for the quality of people’s lives have already
taken place because development of technology allows people to avoid dangerous
things and it makes people to avoid makes people avoid diseases. Opinions may differ from people
to people, but what does not change is that this topic is something that needs
to be addressed. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 내용면에서는 아주 잘 서술되어진 에세이입니다. 전체적인 에세이가 간결하게 본인의 의견을 전달하는 거 같습니다. 또한 각 바디의 예시들이 이유를 가장 잘 서포트 해주는 거 같습니다. 이러한 전달력 때문에 에세이를 읽어 나갈때 본인의 의견이 뭔지 잘 파악할 수 있었고 흥미롭게 읽을 수 있었습니다. 하지만 아쉬운점은 문법적 부분입니다. 먼저 make 뒤에는 동사 원형이 나와야합니다 to가 나오면 안됩니다. 따른 문법적 오류들은 제가 참석한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다 .
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