▶ Your Answer : There is currently a debate about whether
rapid development has positively affected our society or not to our society. Perhaps enormous
rapid development has its advantages, but I believe that these development
gives to our society some bad effects for two reasons.
To start with, swift changes in our society
would damage to our environment. Many consider that changing various things in
our society is able to give to people convenience elements in our society provides people the convenience. However, these changes have
allowed that our environment is damaged destruction. For example, in last year, my
community announced to build new transport station. If the new transport
station build was built, our community’s people would be convenient when they use some
public transports. However, by constructing the new station, our community
would be loss lose national park where people can breathe fresh air. In this case,
we can find out that development give to people a lot of convenience, but it
would be likely to damage our environment. gives people the convenience but destructs the environment overall
On top of that, when there is a rapid
development, we are not likely to relieve stress it is hard to relive stress. It is evident that we have to
follow many changes generating in our society. These society that there are
many new technology, new machines, a lot of creation gives to people degrading
their life quality Society with man new technology degrades the life quality of people. According to a recent poll, the majority agreed that it is
hard to try to follow rapid development because many new things allow people
being confused confused. In addition, last Friday, a renowned professor or Yonsei
University published an editorial in his research and as a result, his study
supported my view. He said that the present people in society that there are
many rapid developments has suffered these changes. As a consequence, these
result find finds out that living a society with rapid development allows to people
degrading people to degrade their life quality and give many stress.
To conclude, I believe that there is no
doubt that rapid development allows to our society to damage environment and to
people to give a lot of stress, and also to degrade their quality of lives. our society to damage environment, give a lot of stress and degrade the quality of life. Opinions may vary from people to people, but what does not change is that this
topic is something that needs to be addressed. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 전체적으로 문법적인 오류들이 많습니다. 각 바디에서 많이 나타나는 것이 문법적 오류입니다. 제가 참석한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 또한 이러한 문법적 오류들을 피하기위해서 본인이 할 수 잇는 것은 에세이를 다 서술하시고, proofreading을 하시길 바랍니다. Proofreading을 하게 되면 피할 수 있는 문법적 오류들을 피할 수 있게 됩니다. 전체적으로는 아주 논리있게 잘 서술 하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |