▶ Your Answer : Without a doubt, encouraging children to grow properly is an important duty for teachers. Some people think that it is more crucial for teachers to connect with students than to be specialists in their field, while other people think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views, If I have to choose one, I would say that It is more significant for teachers to connect with students than to be experts in their academic areas. There are several reasons and examples as follow.
First of all, connecting with students is a good start to teach students. Because, by listening to student’s weakness, teacher can deal with their problem intensively. It is more time-effective for educator to teaching teach a part that a students is in trouble. For example, when I was a students a student, I had difficulty in solving mathematics problem. But I was good at managing other subjects, so I did not have to audit all lecture. I talked to teacher about my circumstance, and then the teacher tutored me how to solve the mathematics problem. By listening to a portion that I felt uncomfortable, the teacher could have a break and I could study that part more thoroughly during the rest of time. 일단 논리가 맞지않습니다. 선생의 목적은 학생들과 connect하고 소통하는 것인데 예시에서는 본인의 단점을 말하는 것 까지는 맞았습니다. 하지만 선생님이 그것으로 인해 쉬는 시간을 갖게 되었다라는 것은 좀 논리가 어긋나는 거 같습니다.
On top of that, students today need someone to listening to their inner voices listen their inner voice. Because of parents working together for a living, there is few time to communicate their parents. If a student learn many knowledge from teacher but have mental problem, we can not admit that the students is growing well learns many knowledge from teacher but has mental problem, we cannot admit that student is growing well. However, students can tell teacher their problems instead of their patents. According to a research, although many students these days adept at studying scholarships, they are awkward in controling controlling their emotional difficulty. And researchers have found that the fact that children did not have outlet to talk their adversities is one of the many elements that decrease children’s ability to handle sentiment. If the children could have had time to talk with their parents about their problem. the students could have managed affective things. 여기서도 논리와 안맞습니다. 선생의 질에 대한 에세이인데 전혀 안맞는 학생은 부모님과 자신의 문제에 대해서 얘기를 해야한 다라는 것 이 나왔습니다. 따라서 주제에 맞는 에시를 사용하는 것 이 가장 좋을 거 같습니다.
In brief, I firmly believe that the advantages of keeping in touch with students far outweigh its disadvantages for reasons I have mentioned before. All in all, the importance of listening to their voices in advance can not be underestimated in educating students. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 전반적으로 각 바디의 예시가 논지와 어긋났습니다. 이 에세이의 주제는 선생님들이 학생들과 소통을 해야하냐 아니면 자신의 분야에서 최고가 되어야 하냐에 대한 에세이입니다. 하지만 이러한 주제와 다르게, 이 에세이는 전혀 관련이 없는 예시들이 사용되었습니다. 앞으로 에세이를 서술 할 때에 주제를 잘 보고 그거에 상응하는 예시를 서술하시면 좋을 거 같습니다. 또한 문법적 오류들도 많이 보이느 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |