▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that moving to a new city
or country is not a good idea because they will lose their old friends.
However, in my opinion, it is fine since we can develop our social skill in the
new place. Also, we will not lose our old friend just because we moved to other
place.
To begin with, moving to a new city or
country will guide us to meet a new friends, new school, or new culture. Since
we have to adjust in new place, we can develop our social skill. Also, we can
learn new things through meeting with other kinds of people. For example, when
I was 10 years old, my family moved to other city. So I had to go different
school. In that school, I tried to adjust it because all things were new to me.
I approach approached to my classmate to become a friend. That helps helped me to develop my
social skill. For addition, In addition I met a friend who has had different personality with
my old friend. That teaches taught me how to deal with variety of personality. 일단 가장 주의 해야할 점은 과거 형에 대한 문장이나 예시를 서술 할 때에, 꼭 동사도 과거형으로 서술하시길 바랍니다.
On the top of that, we will not lose our
old friend because of we moved to other place we moved to other areas. These days, there are is a lot of
ways ways to connect with others who are in other place. We can use smart phone or
e-mail to connect with them. For example, my friend moved to other country. I was
so sad about that I cannot see her anymore. However, I still connect with her
through the cell phone and message.
To sum up, we can develop our social skill
in new place. Also, we can still connect with our old friend, even though we
move to other place. In this regard, I strongly believe that moving to a new
city or country is a good idea. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 문법적 오류들을 둘 째치고 이 에세이에서 근본적인 문제는 너무 에세이가 짧습니다. 핵심내용을 지나치고 있다라는 느낌이듭니다. 짧은 에세이는 본인의 의견을 간결하게 전하는 것에 있어서는 좋습니다 하지만 정확하게 본인이 무엇을 말하려고 하는지에 대해서는 어려움 이 있습니다. 따라서 좀 더 각 바디의 이유를 잘 서포트 해줄 수 있는 구체적인 얘시나 구체적인 설명이 필요해 보이는 에세이 입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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