▶ Your Answer : Some people might think that money should be used to improve food at university cafeterias due to their have a several benefits such as consuming students could be able to have nutrition food at university. However I strongly believe that the university should invest their fund to support social activities for two essential reasons.
To begin with, a university is the place for students education, It is due to the fact that, they have a responsibility to support what students do. (What is it?) Following that, the university should support students to do social activity. In addition, students are also prefer supporting social activity to improving food at university cafeterias. (Need evidence) For example, when I was a university student, I always complained about my school's poor system on my university never used money on social activities. On the other hand, all of the students have to deal with social activitys costs on their own budget. Moreover, They could buy a meal due to they alreally use all of money for soical activitys. (Wrong sentence, What does it mean?) In the light of my experience, I can say ample argue that the university should invest money on to social activity for students.
On top of that, I believe that it is better to use money on social activity. This is because, only few students used to eat at university cafeterias. The reason is the university cafeterias are usually closed before 8pm. On the other hand, most of the students could use this facility (For what purpose?) due to they have a lot of work to do after class and study club activity. There was a poll conducted by university students as respondents to understand the consensus opinion about cafeterias. Students are replied that they have only few experience of using to use cafeterias. An overwhelming 60% had responded that they rarely use cafeterias.
To sum up, there is are two reasons to valuated my assertion. One is because of my experience and the other is students' using rate of cafeterias was reallt low. As a consequence, I ample support my suggestion that university should use money on social activity for students.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | Score | Limited 10-15 | - be 동사와 같은 기초적인 그래머나 spelling error가 많이 보입니다. - social activity의 예를 보여주세요. - cafeteria 를 거의 사용하지 않는다던가, 8시에 닫는 다던가 하는 부분은 상당히 제한적일 수 있을 것 같아요. 또한 외국에서는 9-10시쯤에 Library/school을 closing하는 것이 일반적이기 때문에, 왜 오후 8시에 닫는것이 문제가 되는지에 대해서도 언급해주셔야겠습니다.
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