▶ Your Answer : Some people might
think that engaging in one company for a long time is better than changing
their jobs frequently. However, in my opinion, there are many advantages for
switching their occupations. Because it will make people realize what they genuinely
want to do and enlarge their experiences. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with,
people can find their aptitude through a process to changing their job in changing a job. If they
stick to only one job, there are few possibilities to realize that which job is
suit for them. Due to the fact that most of Korean high schools do not give
students opportunities for seeking various occupations, many students graduate
without knowledge about them. Evidence for this comes from a study by Korean
Department of Education. According to the study, half of Korean high schools do
not have courses for career or aptitude. In addition, the study includes a poll
that shows over 30 percent of Korean students decide their major by grades.
Based on this study, people will make the best choice for them, if they change
their jobs several times. On top of that, it can enlarge their experiences. This
is because they meet experts in diverse fields and carry out different tasks. Thus,
they have more special experiences than people who do not change their job. For
instance, there is my friend who had worked for an airline and advertising
company. When she was in the advertising company, after quit the advertising
company, there was a senior, who has the best reputation in that field. So she
could learn from him how to attract people with a video. After she came out
from company, she became a famous creator in that scene, thanks to her
experiences in past company and said she really satisfy her current job.
To sum up, trying diverse jobs before settling in
one, help people to get more proper job for them and to broaden their experience.
In regard to, I think it has more benefits than not doing so.
점수: 23 전체적으로 너무 장황한 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 합니다. 따라서 이렇게 장황하게 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 자신의 의견을 전달하는 것이 좋은 에세이가 될 거 같습니다. 이 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |