▶ Your Answer :In my opinion, all university students should be required to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. History shows how our ancestors lived so, for sure, there is no doubt that learning history give gives us many of benefits. Here is specific reasons. two benefits. (인트로와는 적절치 않는 거 같습니다. 인트로에서 주로 다루어야하는 것은 hook 상대방의견인데 지금 같은 경우에는 자신의 의견만 나타나져 있습니다.
In my opinion, history is repeating present To begin with, history always repeats. Thus, if we got ability to understand how history been through has gone through, then it would be it is easy to understand present. History show shows us example the best way to solve the problem when we meet the same problems as past. Also, through Through learning history we can predict what problem will coming to confront with us so we can prevent for the worst result, and give us the chance to think which way is more reasonable choice. History concluding concludes every field of study, furthermore it shows relationship between field to field, so I think to learning history give lots of benefits to all of students. There are two big types of history, one is the history of my country, and the other one is global history. Through learning the history of my country give us national consciousness, so my country people can get the power of unity. when people met some trouble, they will helping each other. If we learning global history, we can understand other country's culture, so we can be careful our behavior when we are with other country's people. We are living in the era of globalization, we have lots of opportunities to meet other country's people. Learning history will help us to easily communicate with them. 이 부분이 하는 역활은 무엇입니까? 아무런 설명없이 너무 뜬금없게 언급이 된 부분 같습니다. 작성자의 설명이 절실히 필요한 부분입니다. All things considered, all university students are better to take history courses no matter what their field of study is. If we do not understand what history went been, then we also cannot solve the problems what are we going to meet.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 18 일단 문법적인 오류들이 많습니다.제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인하시길 바랍니다. 또한 뜬금포로 나온 단락이 있습니다. 바로 두 번째 단락 이후에 나온 역사에 대한 두 가지 관점에 대한 얘기인데 이게 왜 언급되었는 지 모르겠습니다. 너무 설명이 빈약합니다. 구체적인 설명이 필요해보입니다. 이러한 부분이 고쳐져야지만 원하는 점수를 얻을 수 있을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |