▶ Your Answer : Some people might think that hasty decisions cannot be right all the time. However, I strongly believe that even though they are likely to be rash inappropriate (여기서는 rash 보다 다른 단어 사용하는 것이 더 좋아보입니다) ,they are worthy. It is because that there are always exceptions and sometimes long-thought ones can be more harmful. To begin with, no one can guarantee 100 percent of possibility. That is, there can be a situation where impetuous decision making is necessitatedand this would lead to a successful result. For example, a few months ago, I saw a man felling to the falling on the floor and managing could not manage to breathe. I was so surprised that I immediately pressed 911 on my cell phone. However, even after 10 minutes, 911 did not show up and it came to my mind that I should do something else. I had no choice but to pick him up to my car and rushed into the nearest hospital. Hopefully, he could save his life barely. Through this experience, I realized that in an urgent circumstance, one's sudden determination can be a significant remedy for others. On top of that, long period of pondering might be less effective. If you took more time in choosing which action to have, you would lose the optimal time for it. Instantaneous resolutions are needed when it comes to some problems (어떠한 문제에서 갑작스러운 결정들이 필요한지에 대하여서 설명이 필요한 거 같아요. 이렇게 서술하면 특정하지 않기 때문에 뭘 뜻하는 지 모를 수도 있습니다). A study was conducted by Korean Border of Education to determine whether the length of thinking could affect student's grade. There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of people who were given 5 minutes to think about a question suggested. They were asked to check the right answer they thought correct if they thought it was correct. The other group consisted of people who had 20 minutes to give a thought and were given the same direction. The researchers compared the outcomes and recorded that the former corrected the questions in higher rates that the latter. This was because that the questions proposed need instantaneous. The more they think , the more things disturb their minds. This study demonstrates that long-period ponderance of pondering can be effective. To sum up, there are situations where urgent decision making is needed and long period deliberation is much less useful. In this regard, I firmly claim that hasty decisions are never the true ones. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 제가 첨삭한 부분을 보앗듯이 약간의 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 하지만 이러한 문법들은 전체적인 에세이의 플로우를 방해하지 않으니 보고 고쳐주시길 바랍니다. 이 에세이에서 가장 좋은 점은 논리적으로 자신의 의견을 풀어나간 것 입니다. 특히 이유에 대한 설명에서 예시로 넘어가는 부분이 아주 매끄럽게 풀어나갔습니다. 항상 에세이를 서술 할 때 어떻게 하면 논리있게 서술해야하는지 심사숙고하면 쓰시면 더 높고 좋은 점수를 받을 수 있을 거 같습니다. 수고많았습니다. |