▶ Your Answer : Some people think that people can be liberated thanks to the advent due to the introduction of mobile phones. However, I firmly disagree with them since it leads people to be reached all times and makes people become stressed by the noise phones produce. To begin with, as portable phones appear, people accidentally become to have the obligation of all-the-time connection. Compared to In comparison to the past when people only had wire communication tools in at home, they in present carry their portable counterparts with them wherever they go. Thus, it became difficult for workers to be separated from their work even in their house. There was a poll conducted by Gregory, the director of Gallup organization, with 300 workers as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to show the consensus view about anxiety and depression derived from the calls from their boss after their work time period. The majority of the respondents answered that they hope their boss would not call them through mobile phones. An overwhelming 70% had responded that portable devices had made them have more stress since they extends extended the life in work even to life in home. This proves that even though people want freedom and wish to relax, they can not be because of the easy access originiated originated from mobile networking machines. On top of that, mobile phones can generate a great amount of noise in pubic spaces. Especially in restaurants and transportation, people talk away through their phones and do not stop moving their mouths. Some view videos keeping sounds loud. For instance, I go to an university everytime every time by bus and subway for about two hours. Whenever, I took the subway, I always feel stressful because of the people speaking loudly holding their phones in one hand and keep moving their another hand. I usually read a book there and I was interrupted, having no choice but to put my earphones on. Not only me, many people at that time glimpsed the person making made noise and seemed to be very annoyed. In this regard, turmor generated turmoil that was generated from mobile devices made people unliberated. To sum up, the introduction of portable phones obliges people to be connected all the time and makes people disturbed by the noise. For these two reasons, I strongly disagree with that they are beneficial in that they give people more freedom. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 위에서 나타난 몇몇의 문법적 오류들을 참고 하시길 바랍니다. 전체적으로 문법적 오류들이 있으니 특히철자적 부분에서 오류들이 있으니. 에세이를 서술하시고난 후 꼭 proofreading을 하시길 바랍니다. Proofreading을 하다 보면 이러한 문제들을 해결할 수 있습니다. 이것 이외에는 전체적으로 논리적으로 잘 풀어 나갔기 때문에 문제되는 부분들이 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |