Nowadays
exhaustion of energy is considered as a serious problem all around the world. Many countries and scientists try to find
and study the way how to solve the energy problem. So some government
authorities decide to increase the charge of energy like gasoline and
electricity as one of the solutions. But this is not the best way to conserve
fossil fuels.
First of all, the policy which claims to increase
the price of public energy only takes closed
effects. Gasoline and electricity is one of the most necessary factors in our
lives. Even though the charge is increased, people have to use energy for their
basic lives. According to a survey conducted by National Statistical Office of
my country, it proved that raising of the energy charge was useless to save
fossil fuel. Government brought up the charge of electricity last June to
prevent from blackout. However it was too scorching last summer, so many people had to use air conditioners and
electric fans as much as they could to endure record heat. In the end it was
futile attempt to raise the price of electricity as a policy to conserve fossil
fuels.
Second,
promoting of alternative energy is more effective to preserve fossil
fuels and solve energy crisis. Many people know that alternative energy is
better than original one for the future. But
majority of them hesitate to use alternative energy because of the high
installment price. If governments increases
subsidy level, lots of people will choose
alternative energy instead of fossil fuels. For instance, my aunt decided to
build a new house two years ago. Though she knew
that maintenance cost could be better and even cheaper if
she chooses to use solar heat not than
gas and electricity, the burden of initial cost made her hesitate the decision.
Just in time, government gave subsidy for the house to install solar heat. She
chose to install solar heat an apply after
the support from the for government.
Admittedly,
some might think that raising the price of gasoline and electricity is good
policy to conserve fossil fuels. However it is not the best and the most
effective way.
Fair/Good (23-24)
서론
-all around the world 구문
첫번째 본문
-claims to , argues to , 등등 넣으면 더 매끄러운 문장이 됩니다.
-the policy를 받는 동사 take이므로 take-->takes로 씁니다.
-문장, 등위 접속사+ 문장 으로 씁니다. 이 경우에는 so 가 문맥상 가장 잘 어울립니다.
두번째 본문
-promoting of 어색합니다. 그냥 promoting 으로 써주세요.
-origin 어색한 표현입니다. original one이 더 자연스럽습니다.
-가정법이므로 will
-관사 a 필요
-if she chooses to use 넣어야 문맥상 자연스럽습니다. than 말고 not을 써야 쓰시려는 표현에 더 적합합니다.
-마지막 문장도 원래의 문장은 어떤 의미로 쓰셨는지 이해하기 어렵습니다. 더 명확한 의미로 와닿도록 바꿔주세요.
문장력, 어휘 개선해주세요. 내용, 이유 괜찮습니다. 하지만 문장력 때문에 정확한 의미 전달이 용이하지 않습니다. 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~