■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : Do you agree with the statement ? people in the past ate healthier food than people today |
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▶ Your Answer :Do you agree with the statement ? people in
the past ate healthier food than people today
It is debatable question whether people in
the past ate healthier food than people today. It is an intriguing question
because the opinions concerning this topic can be different depending on
individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that people in the
past ate healthier food than people today for the following reasons.
First of all, people today have hard time
in taking healthier food than people in the past because they have bust life. Many
people today are busy with their life thanks to the full of task and responsibilities. So,
they should save time to take their work. In this situation, people today
usually have fast-food. They can successfully multitask and stay focused at the
same thing only if they keep a balance in their life style. If people today
spend time for taking health to take healthy food, they have trouble in managing their life
cycle. To illustrate, Seoul National University, one of the prestigious universities
in Korea, show shows statistics that survey for people today diet of today people's diet. The statistics show
that many people eat fast-food rather than healthier food to save their extra
time or complete their work. In fact, many people response that they schedule their schedule is full of task and responsibilities such as project and meeting. Actually,
eating health food takes their time than fast-food. If they spend time in
taking health food, their schedule balance is broken. In addition, when I was
in university, I have many opportunities that taking health food in taking healthy food. But, I have
busy schedule that studying for to study for exam and team projects. Similarly, although
people today have opportunities for taking to take health food, they have to refuse the
chance for managing to manage their schedule. Therefore, this proves that people in the
past ate healthier food than people today in order to effectively manage their
life.
In conclusion, I firmly believe people in
the past take healthier food than people nowadays. All things considered, it is
my belief that my argument regarding this issue has been precisely and
effectively with delivered reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that
this issue has impact on our future. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 반복적인 표현 들이 많이 보입니다. 독립형 에세이를 서술할 때는 반복되는 단어들 보다는 서로 다른 단어를 서술하면서 에세이의 질을 높이는 것이 더 좋습니다. 또한 한 가지 이유에 너무나 많은 정보들을 서술하였습니다. 특히 한 바디에서 두 개의 예시가 서술되었습니다. 이렇게 장황하게 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 본인의 주장을 잘 표현 할 수 있는 두 개의 이유로 서술하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분들을 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |
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진짜 25분 잡고 쓴거라서 많이 빈약합니다... 높은점수는 바라지 않습니다 부탁드립니다!