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Answer :
There might be some people who believe that life now is not easier and cozier than when our grandparents were young. However, I personally disagree with the idea for
the two subsequent reasons. First, There was no
telephone when our grandparents were young. Second, many
people did not have enough food back then. (could
not have enough foods in the generation.)
First of all, telephones
were not invented in the generation. We must
communicate with people, such as friends or coworkers, in a society. In addition, sometimes we have to
contact some people who live very far away.
(with them whose location is far from us.) In this case,
we can communicate by using telephones instead of meeting
in person. (face and face meeting.) Let me bring up my personal story as
an example. About 2 years ago, I had to tell my friend named Hyun-soo important
news during the day. To my regret, I lost my telephone and forgot his phone
number. So I decided
to show up at his house. (tried to meet him without promising. and then
I walked for long time to go to his house.) In this situation, I spent a lot of
money and time to get there. If I had my telephone with
me, I did not have to do that. (don't need
to do this.)
Second, we have more to eat (enough foods) than our grand
parents' generation. As you might know, (have
known,) a lot of people are trying to lose weight.
(Diet is important in our lives.) However, about 50 years ago, a lot of people suffered from malnutrition. (there
were deficient foods to make it possible for people to keep good health.) This
caused many people to be exposed to many kinds of disease. According to research
done by YTR CP, 80% of the respondents in the age group of (whose age is from 70 to 100 said that some of their siblings died young due to
starvation. (they remember their some siblings that already died young
because of starving.) What this means is that many people in the generation have experienced starvation. (to starve.)
This clearly shows that (it
is different from ours that )there were many diseases
related to hunger (cases of disease from hunger.) For these reasons, I personally believe that our
generation has a better life. (lives are
more convenient than out grand parents'.)
Writing Score
(0-30): 17-18
Score (0-5):
2.50-2.75
Grammar &
Feedback: 문법적 오류와 어색한
표현이 많았습니다. 글이
조금 짧고 설득력이
부족 합니다. 그리고
스펠링 실수나 대소문자
구별 같은 기초적인
것들은 좀 더
주의를 기울이세요. 수고하셨습니다.
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