▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may exist over the argument whether people are less happy and satisfied today than people were in the past. However other people insist that people of these days are living happy and satisfied. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with the opinion that people are less happy and satisfied today than people were in the past. Two reasons below stated below can be valid evidence to support my view. (Briefly explain your reasons here) To begin with, this is because society has developed. (Too short thesis) What I mean is that, by developing, we are living in the society of smart phone. Society of smart phone made people more comfortable and enhanced their the people’s desire to be the want better one. Accordingly, after a short period time, (Why do you mentioned "short time"?) people could not be satisfied with their’s belongings when they had bought new things. (Unclear meaning)And they hope to buy more better things. To give you an idea, here is an example from my experience. When I was 23 years old, I bought a the latest smart phone. However after 2 months later, group Samsung released a new smart phone which have a lot of functions than mine. I was disappointed about my one and want to new one. As seen in this example, I think that people’s haapy and satisfy happiness and satisfaction of people is related with developing speed of society.
Also, it is too high qualification to enter the enterprise is required. To be more specific detail, approximately 1980 years, enterprises needed more labor and people to work. However, these days, there are various enterprises and they want people to be prepared with expert knowledges. So young people are living with anxiety about employment. For instance, comparing me our generation to father’s generation, there are a lot of opportunities opportunity in my father’s generation because at that time, a country helped enterprises. (How and Why?)However, in my generations, enterprises want people with language ability such as high English or Chinese qualification and they chose infinitesimal people. As a result, adolescent go abroad to increase their basic English skill.
To sum up, as society advances, people will be more cold. (Cold?) In this regard, I firmly believe that people are less happy and satisfied today than people were in the past.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 1 | Score | Limited 5-15 | - 그래머 구조나 단어가 상당히 많이 틀려있어요.
- 예를 들면, satisfied, disappointed 와 같은 수동태에 be동사가 생략되어 있거나, 같은 문장안에하나는 과거형 동사 하나는 현재형 동사로 제시되어 있어요. - Plural error도 종종 보이기 때문에, 그래머를 보다 보강해주셔야 할 것 같아요.
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