▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that anyone can influence teenagers as their friends can do. They
may have their reasons to think like this (불필요한 문장입니다). However, in my opinion, teenagers
are more influenced by their friends than anyone else. This is because, they
are with their friends for most of the time and friends can know their mind
well.
To
begin with, teenagers spend most of their time with their friend, which make
the influence of friends much bigger than others. They have to be at the school,
studying, having lunch and playing with friends. When people are at school, they spend a lot of time with friends such as studying, having lunch and playing. Then naturally their
influences to each other become higher and higher. For example, when I was in
high school, I have had to be at school from 8 in morning to 10 in night because of
studying. At home, I only had slept. And the most of my life at that time was
in the school with my friends. As a result, the relationship with my friends
was the most important part in my life. When I was well with them, I felt happy.
Conversely, when I was odd with them, I was frustrated. 문맥상 말이 이상 한 부분 빼고는 전체적으로 논리적있게 잘 서술하였습니다.
On
top of that, friends can well empathize minds of the teenagers. In that period,
teenagers are very confused because of the physical changes and mental changes.
Moreover, it is very important period to determine their future life. However,
adults like their parents cannot know well how they feel. Only their friends
who share their concerns can know their minds. For example, when I was in high school,
I was frustrated for low math performances. When I talked with my parents, they
just said that I should have study harder. It wasn’t was not real advice to me. On the
other hand, my friend really empathized my concerns, and she suggested that we
study should study math together, which became a big help to me.
To
sum up, the time being with their friends and their ability to really empathize
their thoughts make frends’ position higher than others. For these reasons, I
feel that the friends are the most importantly considered in the life of the
teenagers. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 전체적으로 논리적으로 잘 서술하였습니다. 비록 첫 번째 바디에서 제가 첨삭한 것을 보았듯이 문맥이 이상한 부분이 있었습니다. 첨삭한 부분을 보고 참고하시길 바랍니다. 하지만 이 것 빼고는 전반적으로 논리적이였습니다. 특히 두 번째 바디에서는 이유에대한 반대 부분 의견과 본인의 해석등을 통해서 본인의 이유에 설득당하게 되었습니다. 두 번째 바디를 아주 잘 서술하셨습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
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