▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, the environment plays a significant role in people's daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that companies causing environmental problems should pay more taxes of fine, while others do should not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that companies resulting in environmental problems should be charged more taxes or fine. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when companies leading to environmental issues are required to pay taxes or fine, it can prevent climate changes. The companies try to be exempt from high taxes or fine, and thus they are willing to install filtering facilities to purify harmful gases. These facilities are likely to reduce fatal gases that change weather patterns. For example, recently in the United Unitied States, Texas suffered from unexpected massive flooding. This is a very rare phenomenon phenamenon for the state known for its dry weather. Many experts are linking liking this event to the increased incerease amount of in CO2 mainly caused by car plants. Their argument is based on the fact that the number of car companies has been increasing tremendously. To be specific, these plants account for nearly one-fifth of U.S. gas emissions, taking up the largest portion of all industries. It is not exaggerating to say that car companies have been the main cause of destroying the environment. After this experience, the government acknowleged acknowledged the need to take more careful measures such as monetary penalties. When the government implements sustainable polices and the companies actively participate in them, this joint effort can reduce gas emission emisson as well as natural disasters. If the government makes other actions, they may not solve the problems. This is because the goal of the companies is to make profits so they improve problematic systems as soon as possible to reduce money loss. In other words, taxes and fine are the effective ways to alleviate environmental evironmental problems resulting from companies. campanies. 환경을 오염시키는 기업들이 환경 개선을 위한 노력을 하게 될 것이라는 점을 설명해주는 것이 필요한데, '기상 상태가 나아진다'라는 주장은 비약적입니다. 벌금을 부과하는 방식 자체가 도움이 될 것인지를 묻는 문제이므로 '어떤 점이 나아지는지'를 설명하는 게 아니라 '왜 그것이 도움이 되는지'에 초점을 두어야 합니다. 예를 들어 기업은 금전적인 부분에 가장 큰 영향을 받기 때문에, 벌금을 부과하는 것이 가장 그들에게 큰 영향력을 행사하는 방법이고 효과적이다, 하는 식으로 벌금 부과 자체가 좋은 방식인지/아닌지에 대해 논할 수 있어야 합니다.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the impact of charging high taxes for the environmental environmenal damage far outweighs that of other measures. All in all, the importance of monetary penalty cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of the development of environment.
Comment : 주제는 방식 자체에 대한 질문이므로 어떤 점이 좋아질지에 대한 설명이 아니라 왜 그 방법이 효과적인지를 설명하는 데 초점을 두어야 합니다. 모델에세이 내용을 잘못 응용하면 논점이 어긋나기 쉽기 때문에 주제와 충분히 연결지을 수 있는 내용인지 잘 판단해서 활용해주는 것이 좋습니다. 주제 방향에 맞게 내용을 다시 구성해보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 같은 주제로 다른 분들이 쓴 글들을 참고하는 것도 도움이 됩니다. 오탈자 많은 편이니 꼼꼼하게 봐주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) |