▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think children do not
need to learn art and music as mandatory along with math, history, science, and
language at school. However, I think having art and music as mandatory subjects
at school give some benefits to children. There are several reasons and
examples as follow. gives some benefits to children for the following two subsequent reasons.
First, art and music enable children to
improve their academic performance. This is because art and music classes are
less stressful than such subjects as math and science and usually relaxing,
thus helping children to release their stress. For instance, when I was in
elementary school, I needed to take art and music classes one hour per week
respectively. These classes were taught in a relaxing way, usually by listening
to music, drawing or painting. There wasn’t were not much burden and stress as well
because the grades weren’t were not strictly evaluated. Rather, after attending more
intense and stressful classes such as math and language, I was able to could chill
out myself and let some steam off. I recharged my battery during art and music
classes and gained energy to focus on other more difficult subjects. As a
result, my scores maintained high. If there weren’t were not art and music classes, I
would have get stressed out and might have failed some subjects.
Second, learning about basic knowledge
about art and music build builds children’s knowledge base on art and culture and
helps them to become a cultured person. This will highly contribute to
increasing increase their happiness as well. For example, one survey conducted by
psychological department at Seoul University showed that people these days tend
to feel happy when they are participating participate in artistic and creative activities.
As the standard of living of people have has risen for last decades, people tend to
seek for activities which involve their creativity and artistic intelligence
for their hobbies or to spend their leisure time. The number of people who go
to a concert or art galleries have increased as well. Therefore, it will be
advantageous if children have a chance to expose to art and music from young
age.
All things considered, the advantages of
learning art and music at school far outweigh those of not learning them for
those reasons I have mentioned above. In this regard, the importance of art and
music in people’s daily lives cannot be overestimated. Good:24~30 점수: 26 약간의 문법적 오류 이외에는 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 크게 보는 것은 에세이 자체가 설득력이 있냐입니다. 설득력이 필요한 이유는 독립형 에세이는 궁극적으로 이 정보를 모르는 사람들에게 왜 이것이 중요한지를 알려주는 것이기 때문에 설득력이 높은 것이 중요합니다. 이러한 부분은 지금 이 에세이에서 잘 나타나고 있습니다. 각 단락의 이유나 예시 설명들이 조화롭고 논리적이게 잘 서술되어 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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