▶ Your Answer :
Even though it has been a long time ever since I graduated from
school, there are several teachers who remain as a part of my youth and come to
my mind in certain situations, and I found myself asking what she or he would
advise me. Most of them were not only good at teaching their subject
effectively but also treated me as one single person rather than one of many
students in his or her class. Looking back my personal experiences, I fully agree
with the idea that a teacher’s ability to relate well with students is more
important than the ability to give knowledge. I would like to give some more
details for this opinion with following reasons. 인트로에 적합하지 않습니다. 인트로에서는 간결한 설명이 가장 중요합니다. 인트로에서 필요한 것은 hook 상대방의견 그리고 저의 의견입니다. 지금 처럼 장황하게 불필요하 설명을 길게 하는 것은 적합하지 않습니다.
Firstly, there are more and more sources where we can get the knowledge
from comparing to the close past like 1990’s, when there were very limited way
of getting the knowledge. That can be also read as that the role of the teachers has
changed as well, and teachers don’t have to be difficult beings anymore to the
students (이 부분은 무슨 말을 하려는 거지요? 설명이 필요해보입니다) I went to elementary school in 90’s and thinking of all the
circumstances of that time, now I can understand the teachers who used to assign
me loads of paper homework every day, asking to transcribe the textbook, which doesn’t
seem productive. As far as I can remind, most of them were all very strict and tended to make me bored during the
whole classes. But that must have been the most effective way to teach the kids under
given situations. I believe that made teachers very difficult group of people to talk to
or even to ask some questions, naturally. But now things changed. I don’t think
students expect teachers to be super clever and sometimes students even challenge
teachers after searching on the Internet presenting detail references. This
means that teachers are not in the absolute position in the scholastic aspect;
rather they give some tips to students when they need them.
Secondly, under above circumstances, students would definitely follow
the teachers who they like or admire rather than strict and scary teachers who
seek for the ultimate effectiveness. Whatever the areas of study are, they
should have some points where from students can get motivation. I remember my
first politics teacher in high school who was like my sister in that she treated
me like her little sister and had lots of background knowledge for every class.
I have to say that it was the very first point when I started to cast doubts on
Korean politicians and history. She tried to give me as many chances as
possible to think about the country where I lived in, even off from the class,
and assigned sensible homework which can be done only after I had enough
research from many types of books. It was a tough work to do but I willingly
carried it out with the sole desire to be like her, with my own perspective
about the topic she thought seriously. I really don’t think I would have done
the same if the teacher had been my elementary school teachers. It was her, who motivated me by being my another sister, who made me to think more about the country.
On the whole, relating well with students is more important than the
ability to give knowledge under current social and educational circumstances. This
is because the role of teachers has changed comparing to the past and that
means teachers should be able to motivate students to find the knowledge rather
than give students the knowledge directly.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 일단 이 에세이에서의 가장 큰 문제점은 구조없이 그냥 마구마구 서술된 거 같습니다. 정리가 안된 상태에서 에세이를 무조건 서술하다 보니 전체적으로 에세이의 논리적인 부분도 부족할 뿐 만아니라 전체적으로 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 것인지 잘 모르겠다는 느낌 이 듭니다. 따라서 에세이를 좀 더 잘 서술하시길 위해서는 장황하게 모든 말을 서술하려고 하는 것 보다는 간결하게 본인의 주장만 서술하시는 것이 좋은 점수를 받는데에 있어서 더 좋습니다. 이 부분을 참고하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |