▶ Your Answer :
Someone says that
a person’s looks and clothes is an essential power for success, which is proved
by today's trend such as an increasing number of people having plastic surgeries and that of make-up shops. However, in my opinion, someone
who has good ideas is highly likely to much more desirable to get succeed. An ability to find a
way is a more essential and fair factor to determine someone’s success.
To begin with, a proper
idea is a key when people have a hard work, to be specific, solve a problem. (What is a proper idea?) To
illustrate, when I went to the high school, there was a huge debate on to make rules
in a dorm. One team (What is it?) whose speaker (Mention where the speakers belong to) was a quite good-looking boy with tide suit,
which got appraised at first moment, didn’t introduce practical methods. (What methods?) however. The other team gave good insight into the issues and provided concrete solutions,
leading to receiving a good evaluation on their the win, though a presentation of it was so-so. It means that the
school knew the latter could increase the possibility to achieve give a hand and make a success, conclusively.
On top of that, it’s
unreasonable to decide someone’s success from their appearance. It’s not fair
in the respect that someone’s appearance is an in-born aspect in part, which is
impossible to choose on his own. People should be judged by their own capabilities
which reflect their efforts. We have a right to get equal opportunities to
succeed and try in an ability-oriented society. (State relevant evidence)
I can tell you a
phrase “Don’t judge a book with its cover.” However gorgeous its cover is, if its
words are meaningless, its the writer of the book can’t be successful. In this sense, a person’s
creativity is a more valuable power to succeed, rather than his or her appearance a figure of him.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 3 | Score | Limited 15-18 | - Informal expression의 사용이 많고, 에세이의 구성이 대체적으로 simple합니다.
- 근거나 예시가 충분히 제시되어 있지 않습니다. - 분량이 많이 부족한 편입니다.
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