▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether food has become easier to prepare, This change has positive effect in the method people live. However (however로 가시려면 그전 문장을 음식을 좀 더 쉽게 만들 수 있게 되었지만 사람들의 삶 안에서는 나쁜영향을 주었다라고 서술하면 좋을 거 같습니다), in my opinion, this change has good for people's life for the following reasons. To begin with, as, following the food is easy to prepare, people's life become convenient. In the past, people have to spend their time for making meals since there are a lot of stage to prepare meal such as going to market, buying materials, even cooking to prepare for meals as there was a lot of stage to cook such as going to market, buying materials and preparing for meals. However, nowadays, there are lots of precooked menu so they do not have to utilize their precious time making meal. Therefore, people have more spare time to exercise, playing with friends,or other activity to release stress play with friends and release stress by participating activities. For instance, when I was student, in the morning, my mother had to cook meal for me. It was insufficient time to have a meal and go to school because there are was a lot of stage to prepare meal. After use using precooked meal, my family was released from stress. Therefore, my family could utilize time for other works such as reading book, drying hair, even and watching news. 에세이 자체는 논리에 맞게 잘 서술 하엿습니다. 하지만 이 바디에서 가장 중요해야한 부분은 예시에서 과거로 문장을 시작하게 되었스면 계속 과거로 쓰시는 걸 추천합니다. 또한 단수 복수에 맞게 동사형태를 서술하시길 바랍니다. Also Furthermore, precooked meal is free from decay and can save money and the environment. Generally, most families cook their meal for 5~6 members. It is ineffective way because these food are eaten by few family members. Therefore, a lot of food waste generate is generated, these food waste destroys the environment and spend a myriad of money to remove food wastes. Also, Precooked meal is good to save long period, because these food are packed with vacuum. I will take my personal experience as an example, when I was a kid, my mother made a meal for me after school. I was late 6 hours because after-school curriculum. I ate the food and I got a food poisoning since food was decayed. However, after my mom utilized precooked meal, I never caught the food poisoning again. Because, precooked meal never decomposed until its cover is opened. To sum up, the food that easy to prepare is good for people's life. Because, they improved preparing time and remove food poisoning, even save the environment. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 좋은 점은 두 번째 바디입니다. 비록 약간의 문법적 오류들은 있었지만 전체적으로 논리 부분에서 잘 이끌어 나갔습니다. 하지만 아쉬운 부분은 첫 번째 바디입니다. 문장적으로 이상한 부분들은 제가 고쳤습니다. 또한 단수 복수 명사에 대한 동사 사용을 잘하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |
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