▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the issue that it is difficult for a teacher to be popular and effective in student’s learning.문제의 내용 그대로 쓰는 것도 감점요인이 될 수 있다고 하니 다른 표현으로 paraphrasing해주세요~ As far as I am concerned, I am in complete disagreement with this argument. The two ideas below can be valid evidence to support my view.
First of all, it is not difficult for teachers to be well-liked because teachers already know the importance of sociability. To be more specific, modern society requires people who surpass others both in specialty and sociability, and also many schools nowadays prefer people who integrate well with students. Thus, teachers continue to try to meet the needs for their promising future. For instance, according to the recent study conducted by the Seoul National University of Korea, many public high schools highschools tend to consider social skills when they recruit teachers. The reason is that relationships between students and teachers are very important and this can be connected to students' learning. Most of applicants for teachers already know about this point, so they are inclined to try to develop sociability to find jobs. This research shows that it is easy for teachers to be popular. 질문 내용은 교사가 학생들에게 인기있으면서 학습까지 효과적으로 돕는 것은 어렵다고 이야기하고 있으므로, 학생들에게 인기가 있으면 학생들이 효과적으로 공부하기가 어려운지 묻는 내용이라고 파악하는 것이 적절해 보입니다. 따라서 교사가 학생들에게 인기있는 것이 어렵지 않다고 대답하는 것은 논제에 대한 충분한 답변이 되기 어렵습니다.
On top of that, due to the advancement of technology, especially the Internet, teachers in the present easily develop their teaching skills by using computers. In truth, when society was underdeveloped, people had to spend tremendous time and effort on finding information that they needed. However, as the highly advanced technology is coming closer and closer, finding information and knowledge become so much faster and easier. In this regard, by taking online lectures or reading useful resources on the websites, teachers can learn a lot of knowledge about various effective ways to teach students. My personal experience can be used to prove this point. a A couple of months ago, there was a famous science teacher for her teaching skills, so many students wanted to take her class. One day, I saw her taking online lectures about effective teaching methods by using her laptop. She gain a wide array of knowledge about it easily and quickly in her free time. This experience demonstrates that teachers can easily improve their teaching skills for students' stduent’s effective learning thanks to the Internet.
To sum up, all things considered, I believe that teachers can easily become popular and effective in students' learning.
Comment : 제가 생각하기에는 주제가 묻는 내용이 교사가 인기 있기 어렵고 / 학생들을 효과적으로 가르치기 어렵다, 하는 두 가지 내용을 각각 질문한 것이 아니라 '인기도 있으면서 학생들을 효과적으로 가르치는 게 어렵다'라는 내용에 대한 입장을 질문한 것으로 보는 게 맞을 것 같아요. 학생들에게 인기를 얻기가 어렵지 않은 이유 / 효과적으로 가르치는 게 어렵지 않은 이유로 각각 대답하는 것은 논점에 맞지 않는다는 생각이 듭니다. 즉 이 문제의 반대입장은 '인기 있는 선생님이 도리어 학생들을 더 효과적으로 학습하게 할 수 있다'라거나 '인기 있다고 해서 효과적인 학습을 어렵게 한다고 볼 수는 없다'하는 입장이 알맞을 것 같아요. 문단 흐름 구성이나 문장은 잘 작성해주셨는데, 논점이 어긋났다는 게 아쉬워요. 주제에 맞게 논리 방향을 다시 잡아보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우)
- Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) |