▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly,
playing sports plays a vital role in people’s daily lives. Some people think
playing sports teaches people important lessons about life while others think
differently. If I had to choose one, I would say that playing sports teaches
important lessons about life. There are several reasons as follows for the following subsequent reasons.
First, playing
sports helps a person to socialize with more various individuals. A person
needs to learn how to cooperate with others in order to have more personal
connections, and there is no doubt that playing sports with others brings the
opportunity to do it (이미 앞 문장에서 설명을 했기 때문에 불필요한 문장입니다). Improving relationship with diverse people has important,
positive and long lasting implications for a person’s development in this
country, South Korea. Those In South Korea people who have close and supportive bond with people from
many different backgrounds will achieve more in their life because many people
choose to hire or work with the people close to them. This can cause problems
in our society when disqualified people are selected, but it is shown how
essential it is to build friendships with individuals from varied fields in
this culture. For example, David who was one of my roommates during college years works for
Human Resources Department of Samsung Electronics. He has been sending me e-mails
with new job openings in his company before he posts it on the official site.
Second, playing sports is an effective way for students to build tolerance. In
order to accept those with different values, it is important that a person
experiences as many various situations as possible, and playing sports
obviously brings the chance. This is because people cannot avoid facing many
different situations when they play sports. Today’s social structure makes it
necessary to respect differences of those with diverse culture need to work
together, tolerance works as a barrier to prejudice and brings them together.
Understanding different goals in life also requires the same attitude. Other
people’s lifestyles deserve to be treated with respect. Some people choose to
exercise, while others do not want. Some people are driven to succeed in their
career, while others are easy-going about these matters. All of them need to be
treated the same. Therefore, it is important to play sports since it can help
people accept the dissimilarity of others.
All things
considered, I strongly believe that playing sports teaches people important
lessons of life for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the
importance of playing sports cannot be underestimated. Good: 24~30 점수: 26 이 에세이에서 가장 좋았던 부분은 각 바디 부분에 대한 설명입니다. 각 단락에서 적절한 예시 사용과 장황하지만 모든 설명이 담겨있는 설명 부분은 이 에세이로 하여금 왜 본인의 이유가 설득력이 있는지를 잘 보여주고 있습니다. 따라서 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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