Recently, a technique of internet is very developed since many people have been interested industry of internet. Some people believe that students can learn more effectively by the only traditional tool such as book from the traditional studying materials, because the wave from a computer or cell phone affects negatively to students as the technology adversely affects to students, while other people think differently. If I were asked to choose, I would say that student has to be taught by using the help of internet for better effect. There are several reasons and example as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, they can learn more quickly and conveniently a lot of the knowledge by using internet. This is because we are born in very swift speed of internet and that help to efficiently spend a time in searching a information internet allows people to search a lot of information quickly. Also, we don't We also do not have to read a lot of the books for our essay or studying since we can find summarized information with a click by computer. when studying as numerous information can be find from the internet itself. For instance, according to an experiment of Tokyo University, studying by the internet can make a higher grade of test by using other tools. They divided two group of students with tools to study, team A was composed by students who utilize the internet and team B was constituted by students who always read a lot of professional books for a test. As a result, Team A's average score exceeded a team B's average score of test. What I mean by this is that students have to study with the internet because this method is a most effective way to study at present Studying through internet is the most effective tool to study.
On top of that, students can effectively study in many perspectives about problem or issue. concerning with problems or issues.To be specific, computer is almost disseminated in disseminates to domestic rooms or schools. In other word, many people use an internet due to good dissemination. (반복되는 문장입니다) So, If students asked about the answer of question or perspective of problem, they can gather many replies and choose the best answer by comparing a lot of the comment. When For instance, when I was an 8, I have suffered was suffered from my homework of half-term since If I did not complete my essay, My teacher would say my deviated behavior in a school. (이 부분은 무슨 뜻인가요? 명확한 설명이 필요해보입니다) But, I couldn't interpret an intention of question, I very agonized my aspect regarding on a topic. However, I could easily resolve that problem by gathering a help from strangers on internet. So many people gave me the method how I can effectively and fully fill my paper of homework.
Sum up, we can efficiently study by using internet regarding speed to find or convenience or diverse information.
In this regard, I firmly assert that student has to study with the help of internet due to most effective way.
Fair: 17~23
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일단 문법적인 오류들이 너무 많습니다. 너무 많기 때문에 전체적인 에세이 플로우를 망치고 있습니다. 이러한 많은 문법적 오류들 때문에 전반적으로 에세이가 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 얼마낭 ㅔ세이가 설득력이 있나 인데. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 예시나 이유 둘 다 문법적 오류들 대문에 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.