▶ Your Answer :Some people think that it is important for students to study the
subjects that they are interested in. However, I believe that it is important
for students to study science, technology, engineering, and math, which
important and necessary subject for two reasons. This is because studying important these subjects enables students to have better backgrounds knowledge and enjoy a
better quality of life.
First, studying important subjects allows students to have better background knowledge. Understanding the importance of basic knowledge and potential role
of types of subjects is necessary to substantiate this view. Studying essential
subjects and learned learning from various subjects can offer fresh perspectives on
issues, original ideas, and even enlightening words of life wisdom. Embracing
this diversity empowers one with the deft learning aptitude to increase range
of understanding to build and deepen background knowledge. On the other hand,
studying the subject that only they are people are only interested in lacks fundamental knowledge
that they had to learn and thought about various fields. In this regard, if students
did study the subject that only they are interested in, they would not
effectively have better backgrounds knowledge. (좀 더 구체적인 설명이 필요 할 거 같아요. 예시를 사용하여서 왜 이러한 과목들이 정보를 더 높일 수 있는지에 대한)
Second, studying crucial subjects promotes students to enjoy a better
quality of life. In response to increasing role of fundamental subjects, many
expert opinions and research statistics reinforce the idea that studying
various fields motivates students to strengthen competitiveness in society. For
example, according to the recent research conducted by Linkedin, 62 percent of
Korean leading recruiters prefer people who are interested in a lot of types of
topics (전문가들이 어떠한 토픽에 구체적인 관심이 있는지에 대한 설명이 필요할 거 같아요). Recruiters show such a tendency because they tend to be more
analytical. In long run, critical thinking enhances work performance. This is
because they could synthesize information and turn it into actions regardless
of fields. On the other hand, studying the subject that only they are
interested in could not handle work about other fields. In this regard, if students
did study the subject that only they are interested in, they would not effectively
strengthen competitiveness in society. (반복적인 문장입니다)
To sum up, I believe that it is important for students to study
science, technology, engineering, and math, which important and necessary
subject instead of studying the subjects that they are interested in for the
following reasons: to have better backgrounds knowledge and enjoy a better
quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be
underestimated I have mentioned above. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 첫 번째 바디에서 문제는 예시가 부족합니다. 왜 사람들이 본인이 제시한 과목을 들으면 지식이 늘어나는지에 대한 설명이 필요 할 거 같아요. 또한 두 번재 바디에서도 구체적인 설명들이 전반적으로 필요할 거 같아요. 반복적인 문장들도 있고요. 구체적인 설명을 넣어 주시면 더 높은 점수를 받을 수 있을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |