▶ Your Answer : Technology has developed so fast for a few dedicate, and our lives in the city are also changed very quickly. Some cities have grown with new constructions, otherwise others want to keep their old, historic buildings.(이 문장은 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 지 모르겠습니다 설명이 필요할 거 같아요) Both sides may have their own reasons to support their opinions. Personally, I think a city should try to keep its old, historic buildings rather than destroy them and replace them with modern buildings. Here are a few reason why. To start with, I think it (구체적인 명사가 명시되어 있지 않기 때문에 it보다는 구체적인 명사를 제시하는게 나을거 같아요) makes that people learn their history and culture to keep old and historic buildings in their cities. Let me bring up the story of my city as an example. In the downtown, we have had some old buildings that were built in Japanese colonial period. Many people did not like them and wanted to remove them because of our sad history. But, the mayor of my city decided to preserve them because he thought students had to learn about our history and we should not repeat it. Now, the downtown area becomes one of the most popular place for the school field trip. Students can learn about our history while touring the buildings. Also, keeping old, historic constructions in a city attract many travelers to visit there. It is very helpful for the economy of the city. Rome is a big, modern city but still has a lot of historic ruins. A tons of travelers from all of the world visit Rome to watch the ruins. When I visited Rome several years ago, I met lots of people who came from different countries. Most people wanted to visit historic sites like Coliseum, old churches. (두 번째 바디가 짧고 설명이 빈약한 거 같습니다) To sum up, people can learn about their history by touring their old, historic buildings and old historic buildings make people to travel there. In this regard, I strongly agree that a city should preserve its old, historic constructions rather than destroy them and replace them with modern buildings. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 전반적으로 에세이가 짧습니다. 짧고 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 특히 두 번째 바디에서 가장 잘 보여져 있습니다. 두 번째 에세이는 구체적인 설명 예시가 빈약한 거 같아요. 충분한 설명이 들어가야지 왜 본인이 이 이유를 생각하게 됬는지 알 수 있기 때문입니다. 충분한 설명과 예시가 들어가야지 상대방을 설득시킬 수 있기 때문에 좀 더 구체적인 설명을 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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