▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, the way students spend their time plays a vital role in their lives. Some people think that parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies for their children to do well in school, while others do not people think differently. If I had to choose one, I would say that it is not good to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies if parents want their children to do better in school. There are several reasons as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
First, watching TV programs or movies helps a person to be more creative. It is believed that being fertile in imagination is needed if a person wants to do better in school, and watching TV or movies can be an effective way to achieve it. Today’s limitless competition has made it more essential for people to invent and develop original ideas in order to survive and succeed. Globalized economy has made us compete with people in other nations. Not only that, development of technology has made it easier for competitor to find out what we have made. Therefore, it is almost impossible to succeed without constantly making something new because it is the only way to avoid competition. For example, Apple has been able to make astronomical amount of profit because they created new items such as I-pod, I-phone, and I-pad.
Second, when children watch TV programs or movies, it can help them to relax and recharge their batteries. When students are fully recharged, they are likely to have more energy to put into studying and being active. For instance, when my younger brother was in middle school, he often felt depressed thinking that his life has become exhausting routine. He had to spend the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping to outdo others. Fortunately, she was able to deal with such pressure and stress in a safe way by spending time watching TV programs as much as he wanted. By doing so, he was able to let off some stream.
All things considered, I strongly believe that parents do not have to limit the hours of watching TV for their children to perform better in school. All in all, the importance of spending enough time on watching TV and movies for students cannot be overestimated.
Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 첫 번째 바디에 있어서는 구체적인 예시에 대한 설명이 너무 부족햇었습니다. 현상만 설명을 하고 그 현상에 대한 영향에 대해서 서술하지 않았습니다. 이미 그 전에 많은 구체적인 설명을 해놓은 상태였기 때문에 지금 같은 경우에는 예시가 오히려 부정적인 요소일 수 가 있습니다. 두 번째 다디에서는 구체적인 설명이 너무 부족합니다. 앞 단락과 반대로 예시 중점입니다. 따라서 에세이르 서술하실 때 균형있게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |