▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that friends do not have a significant impact on teenager’s lives. However, in my opinion, friends are influential to teenagers as teenagers spend the bulk of time with their friends and they are likely to experience peer pressure.
To begin with, teenagers spend a majority time with their friends. They get along with their friends at school, extracurricular activities, and even in their free time. This is because many teenagers feel a sense of belongings with their friends due to similar interests and values. For instance, my cousin is a big fan of BTS, one of the popular Korean musicians. Her hobby is listening to the BTS’ music and catching up their news, but this year she decided to go to BTS’ concert, which costs more than $200. Three of her friends are also a big fan of BTS, so this summer vacation my cousin and her friends decided to work part-time jobs to earn money and got the BTS concert ticket. If she had not had friends who also love BTS, she would have not even tried the part-time job to get the concert ticket.
On the other hand, teenagers are susceptible to peer pressure. Teenagers like to get attention and recognition from others, while they are still in the stage of shaping and determining what is right and just. This also means that teenagers are more likely to expose themselves in a dangerous situation without knowing consequences. To give an example, when I was a high school student, one of my classmates, John, smoked and asked me to try for fun after the final exam was over. I did not feel comfortable, but John’s friends forced me and put the cigarette in my mouth. In retrospect, I think John’s pressure to make me start smoking was one of the rituals to accept me in his ‘social group’. At that time, I felt overwhelmed, but I wanted to get attention from John while I did not know that it is not okay to smoke. (337 words) Good: 24~30 점수; 25 결론이 어디있나요? 독립형 에세이 구조에 잇어서 가장 필요한 것은 결론입니다. 결론에서 하는 담당은 전체적으로 이 에세이 방향성이 어딜 가고 있고 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지를 끝맺음 해주는 것이기 때문에 결론이 필요합니다. 또한 각 예시는 적절했지만 두 번째 시작 부분이 적절하지 않는 거 같습니다. 주제에대한 이유를 서술하는 것이지 반대 이유를 서술하는 것이 아닙니다. 이러한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |