▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the more possessions
you have, the happier you will be. However, in my opinion, owning fewer
possessions will bring more happiness since it is less stressful.
To
begin with, having lots of things is very stressful thing. It means that people
who possess a lot have to more care about their possessions than who own less.
They become very stressful by minding them. In worst cases, someone cannot bear
the burden then kills by oneself. For example, there was an accident that is a
very famous actor named Lee had suicided in Korea. That time people were not
able to understand the event. Because he got a plenty of money, real estate,
fame and even nice appearance which are others could not have. They just thought
he was happy. However, in fact, he had many burdens like managing his money and
reputation always felt blue. This story attests the statement that the more
possessions you have, the happier you will be is not true. In contrast, a
Buddhist monk who has a minimum lives happy life in Bangladesh. He does not
have to worry something and be under stress. He just lives in peaceful town and
be free from anxiety of life. Even according to new research, the developed
countries such as Korea, Japan and America are higher than developing countries
such as Bangladesh in GDP. However, the happiness index is the opposite.
To sum up, those who get many properties
are less happier than who have smallest due to stress. In this regard, I feel
that if you want to be happy, it is better to have the least. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 너무 한 단락에 많은 정보를 넣어서 서술했습니다. 너무 한 단락에 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하니 에세이 자체가 장황하게 되었습니다. 이렇게 장황하게 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다 간결하게 서술하는 것이 더 중요합니다. 간결하게 에세이를 서술하기 위해서는 보다 간결하게 두 개의 이유를 서술하면서 독자들을 설득 하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |