▶ Your Answer :Lately, there seems to be an intense consciousness as to whether
universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries.
People’s general idea concerning this, however, tends to be contradictory.
While some people are advocating that sports facilities and libraries in
university get equally invested, others strongly oppose this notion. I agree
with the former statement. In this writing, I will represent main reasons why sports
facilities and libraries should get funded equally from universities based on
my experience.
First,
investing in sports in universities could be helpful to enhancing enhance health of their
students. We know that doing activities is so good for relieving our stress. 사례 제시 이전에 스트레스를 풀어서 어떻게 학생들의 건강을 챙겨준다는 것인지, 이것이 왜 대학에게 중요한지를 먼저 설명해주세요. For example, my universities established a few new basketball courts for its students.
I and my friends played basketballs at the courts every break time breaktimes after
classes. They It set us free from pressures of from lots of tests and assignments.
Also, the activity incited us to have a stronger body enough to prevent us from
illness. Not only that, we managed to get high GPA because we were able to
study longer than before with the strong body. Thus, I firmly believe that to
protect health of students, universities should invest sports facilities.
As well as that, In addition, investing in sports could play an important role in allowing for students
to make good human relationship with other students. We can make a variety of
friends while doing sports working out with each other. For instance, my university
set a gym up on campus. in a campus. I was able to make a plenty of new friends while
working out there. I, besides, invited Jo, one of my friends, to go to the gym with
me. He did does not always look all-assured on the ground that he was shy and had
week body. I wanted to help him as a friends . We kept trying to focus on our
workout to have a tone body. After one year, I and he made an accomplishment to
have the tone body. So, we were able to have a powerful confidence and pay
attention to study individually in an easier way. Therefore, I assume that
university are required to invest sports for better school life of the students
as much as they do on libraries. 건강해져서 공부에 집중할 수 있게 된 내용은 본론1에 맞는 사례입니다. 현재 본론에서는 스포츠시설에 투자함으로써 학생들의 사교성을 기를 수 있다는 점을 보여주는 사례를 제시해주어야 해요.
To sum up, I have been proven that it is significant for universities to
invest fund on sports as much as on libraries get funded because of for enhancing
health of students and students' maintaining a good human relationship with others. As a
result, it is recommended that the investments in of sports facilities has have a lot
of strong points.
Comment : 학생들의 건강 증진과 사교성 증진을 위해 스포츠 시설에 투자하는 것이 중요하다는 입장은 주제에 알맞습니다. 다만 내용을 풀어내는 과정에서 설명이 부족하거나 논점이 맞지 않는 부분들이 있어 아쉬웠어요. 각 본론에서 설명이 부족한 부분이나 논점에 맞지 않는 부분들 위주로 수정&보완해주세요. 문법오류가 종종 있는 편이니 이 부분도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |