▶ Your Answer :
Students' freedom is getting more and more emphasized recently. For example, mandatory school uniform policy has been accused of suppressing students' freedom to wear whatever they want. However, I contend that requiring students to wear school uniforms are is a better policy because school uniform can prevent students from comparing their wealth with each other, and students can develop solidarity through school uniform.
First, school uniform can conceal the wealth gap between students. If everyone wears the same clothes, it is not easy to recognize whether the students' family are affluent or not. This is important because teenagers tend to estrange or split each other by their wealth. To give my example, I graduated from boarding high school where no one was required to wear school uniform except when attending some ceremonies. After several months at the school, I could realize whose family is rich and who is not by looking at their outfits. In addition, I've seen the growing distant distance between the students who had rich background and students who had not. This was something that I couldn't experience when I attended middle school with a school uniform everyday, which where everyone had got along with each other regardless of their background.
Second, school uniform can grow students' solidarity. Solidarity is important because in a democratic society, where everyone should cooperate each other to make society develop, solidarity is indeed helpful. School uniform surely makes everyone anyone feel like they are the member of the school, and school is something special to them. For example, even though I had graduated from middle school long time ago, whenever I see students wearing school uniform of my middle school, I feel deep proud and affinity toward them because inside my heart I still miss my middle school time. Is In short, school uniform is not just a mere uniform, but it is something special that stimulates my solidarity.
In conclusion, I believe that mandatory school uniform policy is better because students don't compare the wealth of each other when they wear same clothes, and students' solidarity can be cultivated through school uniform. Although making everyone wear the same clothes seem oppressive, I believe it has more positive effects than it seems to be.
예상 점수: 24-27 총평: 설득력 있는 내용과 구체적인 예시 그리고 좋은 구성을 가진 에세이입니다. 다만 문법적으로 시제와 관련된 오류가 많고, 어감이나 어법상 맞지 않는 표현이 많습니다. 시제를 쓰실 때 과거에 일어나서 끝난 표현은 확실한 과거를 쓰시는게 더 글에 적합합니다. 큰 실수는 하지 않으셔서 위에서 수정된 부분만 확인하시면 될 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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