▶ Your Answer :
Some people take it for granted that parents should not give their children money according to their grade they get in school. However, contrary to this notion, it is clear that offering money to their kids can have positive effect on their grade. The rationale behind this is that the pocket money can motivate them and be helpful for understanding our society.
To begin with, giving money to their school-age children can increase their motivation in his life. This is mainly because this can be a facilitator which motivates them to perform better at school and develop themselves. With such motivation, they will make a lot of effort and concentrate more on their assignments and become responsible for what they do. Therefore, this can bring about a better outcome at school. For example, my brother used to be negligent and lost interest in his school life. Because he did not have any motivation in studying and originally disliked reading books. However, since his my parents suggested him that if he get a good grade in his class, he would get extra money by them. After their suggestion, he had changed little by little and he was able to concentrate better on his final exam such as Math, Science and even English. Consequently, he got a 90-score in math and got a good grade in other auxiliary subjects. If their my parents had not given the suggestion, he would have not gotten a good grade in his class.
Moreover, offering allowance to their kids is beneficial for understanding reality of our society. This is due to the fact that children can easily learn about this give and take concept through their parents. Modern society is increasingly becoming an indifferent society and children have no chance to learn about chilly reality. Therefore, it is very good for children to get their allowance according to their grade. For instance, when I was in elementary school, I could not understand that my friends get his pocket money according to their grade. Because my parents gave me money regardless of my grade. However, since they realized that I had no motivation in my life, he offered me money according to my grade. At first, i was exhausted and stressed by this behaviors. After 2 years, I realized that our society is naturally very scary and complicated. Therefore, he I could focus on his my favorable works after that day and develop myself themselves.
In short, both opponents and proponents have debated over this disputable issue and both sides seem to have good reasons to support their arguments. Nevertheless, from my perspective, I would be confident that parents give their children allowance for each high grade they get in school, concerning that people and our society will benefit from it.
예상점수: 17-21 총평: 일단 문법적으로 소유격을 쓰실 때 오류가 많아요. 문맥상 맞게 써주시는 연습을 하셔야 할 것 같아요. 두번째로 내용적으로 설득력이 부족한 것 같아요. 물론 말씀하신 내용이 이해는 되지만, 조금 더 왜 이러한 교육이 필요한지를 말씀해주시는게 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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